Huzzah!
This is the inevitable outcome of not putting your toothpick back on the wee plate it came on. I am, as you will understand, delighted with this news. I detest the toothpick and all who use it. It's a dirty, filthy thing that makes my skin crawl, much like Pete Doherty and chopped liver do.
From The Daily Mail...
Restaurant refuses to give diner toothpick 'as they are too dangerous'
First it was coffee mornings, with their hot drinks that were deemed too dangerous.
Then home-made biscuits and sponge cakes were banned from hospitals and primary schools because they posed a health risk.
Today it was the turn of the humble toothpick to fall foul of the health and safety police.
Killjoy staff at a luxury hotel chain are refusing to provide customers with toothpicks after dinner because they could be ''potentially dangerous', it has emerged.
Retired deputy headteacher John Freeman had enjoyed a £70-a-head meal at the Macdonald Portal Golf and Spa Hotel, in Tarporley, Cheshire, to celebrate New Year's Eve when he realised he had a piece of rib-eye steak stuck in his molars.
But when he called over the waiter to ask for assistance, Mr Freeman was astonished by his response.
'The waiter apologised but said he was not allowed to give me a toothpick for health and safety reasons,' Mr Freeman, 63, said.
'I asked him if he was joking, but he said it wasn't April 1 and that there weren't any in the hotel.
'I told him it was nonsense and asked to speak to the manager to request an explanation – indicating, at the same time, that there were 14 very dangerous metal knives and forks on my table that had been unsupervised for at least two hours.
'She took the point and agreed the situation was ludicrous at best, but assured me there had been a directive from head office not to provide toothpicks because they are potentially dangerous.'
Mr Freeman, of Eaton, Cheshire, was at the hotel with his wife, Jan, also 63 and a retired teacher, and a group of friends.
He said he was so incensed with the hotel's response that he wrote a letter to the Health and Safety Executive complaining about the rule. His complaints have since been passed onto his local council who are investigating the matter.
He added: 'It's such nonsense. It is the sort of thing which is making this country unlivable."
God I love The Daily Wail. It's such an alarmist, reactionary, shitrag it's almost impossible to take it seriously. I love that last line, "It's such nonsense. It is the sort of thing which is making this country unlivable". Bwahahahaha! That's fucking priceless. I bet he went on to blame Europe, asylum seekers and Gordon Brown. "Bloody Romanians coming over here with their light brown skin stealing our toothpicks. It's a British chaps right to stick a little piece of plastic between his teeth and root around. My grandfather didn't fight the Nazis for nothing you know."
He didn't.
But he did go on to say, 'Health and safety and political correctness are driving this country into a corner. It just seems ridiculous that hotel like this would behave in such a way.'
Hahahahaha! It's political correctness gone mad! MAD I TELLS YOU! It's the middle class white mans answer to everything - blame Health & Safety and follow it up with a pointless jibe about political correctness. Christ, you couldn't make it up. How this story made it into a national newspaper is beyond belief. Man doesn't get toothpick, man makes a scene. Sake.
Stupid old goat.
Ah! But will you be laughing when H&S ban insane waiters on safety grounds? That day will come.
I will welcome that day grandad with open arms!
What should probably be explained to Mr. Freeman is that the cutlery on his table is not commonly used to root about your mouth near your nice soft, easily injured gums.
And Mr. Freeman may also wish to be aware of the havoc and recriminations caused by some guests who do cut their gums with a toothpick. It’s obviously never their fault and the toothpick was razor sharp etc. etc.
I’d agree that it is a sad state of affairs where businesses are afraid of the potential legal difficulties that can be caused by over-litigious guests being given items whose sole purpose is to allow them to go rooting around their mouths for stray bits of Rib-Eye and lacking the dexterity to manage it without causing themselves a mishap.
Rather than blaming the Health & Safety officials perhaps he should blame the litigious culture of blame that papers such as The Daily Wail? Fail? Dickhead? Yeah, The Daily Dickhead espouse.
By the sound of it, so will the public…..
Go on Michael! Well said that chap!
Grandad… Im watching you fella….heh
I’m sure that every restaurant would be happy to provide toothpicks if the guest was happy to sign a nice legal document absolving the restaurant of any blame for the consequences of providing said toothpicks.
Honestly, it really boils my piss that the same people who rail against nanny-state, broken Britain are exactly the same ones who will without hesitation seek legal advice because their neighbours tree drops leaves in their garden.
Despite the fact he’s a “retired deputy head teacher”, and let’s face it they’re all cunts, I’m with him.
‘I told him it was nonsense and asked to speak to the manager to request an explanation – indicating, at the same time, that there were 14 very dangerous metal knives and forks on my table that had been unsupervised for at least two hours.
Indeed. Usually there are candles and the like too. Perhaps even salt or pepper, that stuff could get in somebody’s eye! And don’t even mention the vinegar or squeezing a lemon. If you hand over a wad of new twenties do they refuse them due to the risk of paper cuts?
This has nothing to do with the Health and Safety Executive and everything to do with the manager. I’d have stapled him face down to the carpet with the forks and found a new and original receptacle for the pepper sauce.
Perhaps an odd point to seize upon, but… killjoy. Killjoy. As though the staff knew he’d been looking forward to a good mouth-rooting all day, and got rid of all the toothpicks just to fuck with him.
Honestly. If you love toothpicks so much, why don’t you go live there?
of course, now we’ll have to deal with diners flossing at the table. unless we can get one to accidently hang himself with it, we’re stuck…
@daisyfae:
Perhaps guests might take it to the toilets, so to speak.
It might then give impetus to improve the facilities in some places.
For “potentially dangerous” read, “If I have to see yet another geezer root around in the far back reaches of his yellow, tobacco-stained, plaque coated teeth for what remains of his dinner, after which he finds the remnant he will peer at it closely, then examine it at arms-length, then put it back in his gob for a chomp, I’m going to boke.”
The restaurant just didn’t want to tell him that, so it’s “Sorry, sir, no toothpicks.”
Fuck sake, people, carry a pit of floss in those disposable packets and go into the bog and make a mess in there like the rest of us civilized people.
I have no idea why people seem to get such enjoyment out of fiddling with their teeth after they eat. My parents do it, too. It’s gross. Does it kick in past a certain age, I wonder? You know, gradually you feel the need to watch “Law and Order” reruns, wear awful colored clothes, socks with sandals, and dig at your teeth?
This is a really important issue that you are taking a little too lightly. I believe Suggs is actually hosting a gig to raise awareness of workplace safety very soon.
It’s Madness gone politically correct.
(I’ll get me coat, etc etc..)
Has the Daily Heil managed to pin this on the immigrants somehow? Actually don’t tell me.
as an aside – do you know how that shit rag reported the news on their front page when the Haiti disaster broke… thats right it didn’t, it was relegated in favour of a poirot dvd giveaway, on day 2 they finally got their act together and told their readers about the poor people of Haiti: “16 Britons Missing on Haiti” and then went into a ramble about voodoo, rape, murder and whatever else it is that brown people do.
cunts, cunts, cunts, cunts, cunts.
Even though I think it better to floss when you get home rather than use a piece of wood on your teeth this is pretty funny. There seems to be more and more rules coming out nowadays. I mean what do they think is going to happen. A toothpick throwing contest at the table with stray toothpick hitting and piercing cornea of eye..
BTW I lost a couple of comments you sent my way. Strange thing though is I am not getting them sent to inbox but rather on dashboard. Blogger is fouling up a bit. So I saw them and didn’t post them at that moment and when I went back to post them and answer they were gone.Yours is the only that doesn’t come to my inbox on email. Sorry about that. I am not ignoring you. Hey enjoy your 2 weeks in NYC coming up. If I lived closer I’d visit.
Gotta give the man props for his comment on unsupervised knives and forks (priceless!)…..but toothpicks should be banned for the nasty-factor if nothing else. As if I want to watch you dig around in your mouth for an undigested lump of food…blech! If you couldn’t manage to chew it up and swallow it the first time, then just take your ass home and grab a toothbrush!
Yesterday I looked on in horror as two different people picked at their teeth and were rooting around in their mouths with their fingers.
In this case, a toothpick would have been welcome.
p.s. The above happened on my bus route…again.
I should use my typical commute as blog post fodder.
I hope you don’t think less of me for this, but I do resort to using a toothpick maybe twice a year. But, never in the restaurant, and only if I can bum one from a friend. I’d never actually purchase one.
Yes, I do have friends who nearly always have toothpicks with them.