Sex in the Shitty
tasty owl sees you eyeing him up with a hungry look in your eyes
I consider myself to be a fairly opened minded person. I mean I am amenable to new ideas and things, to a point obviously. Whilst I prefer my eggs gently boiled I can, on occasion when the mood takes me, make fairly light work of scrambled eggs. If someone was to offer me a plate of gently braised owl breast I would give it a go as I have never eaten an owl. I’ve had steak that tasted like oul boot but never an actual owl. I wouldn’t scrunch up the folds on my monstrous face and shriek in horror at the thought of scoffing down some Snowy Hedwig or other. Hell no, if it’s new and cooked I’ll give it a go.
But it’s not just food. I am generally willing to give most new ideas a go. If, for example, The Smiths were to reform as a trance hardcore collective and play nothing but odious dance music I would give it a listen. Obviously there are a few things that I wouldn’t do. Can you really see me parkour-ing my way round the city centre, hopping off bins and doing that ludicrous run up the wall malarkey? No, no you cant. But that’s not to say I find those flexible individuals who have taken up freerunning to be wrong or misguided. No, they are just different and I doff my hat in their general direction, that’s if they could stay still long enough for me to doff my hat them. I welcome the new into my life. I embrace change. I seek out the strange and the alternative. We never grow if we close our minds to the odd and the different.
But still, one must have standards and ethics and all round good taste. One must be able to draw the line somewhere. For me that place is a restaurant. I have seen one shit fad after another come and then go and normally with less fanfare and excitement than when it arrived. A good restaurant is able to maintain it’s dignity whilst all around it others are lifting their skirts and flashing their wares to anybody with £9.99 and the ability to eat in 30 minutes. A good restaurant doesn’t give it away for free. Ah yes a good restaurant has no need for all you can eat buffets and waiters with more badges on their shirts than your average five star General. It builds it’s reputation on great food, impeccable service and faultless surroundings. A good restaurant shuns change and ignores the fads, it’s stands proud like a grand old dame laughing in to itself whilst all around her go ever so slightly mad.
Like these people…
Restaurant promotes sex in its bathrooms
Mildred’s Temple Kitchen is inviting customers to have sex in its bathrooms.
The Valentine’s weekend promotion takes uncomfortable but electrifying sex from the close confines of an airplane and transfers it to the unisex stalls of the Hanna Ave. restaurant.
“We’ve always had little trysts in our bathrooms,” says chef/co-owner Donna Dooher, pointing to lingering weekday lunches as a popular time. “We’re taking it to the next level on Valentine’s weekend.”
What the what? Sex? In the bathroom? You dirty, filthy, abhorrent little people. Says a lot about your food if you have to run to measures like this. Cheerist on a bike/pressed up uncomfortably against the sink I hope this doesn’t take on. And where does it end? One day it’s sex in the bathrooms the following it’s a two course lunch special including HJ’s, BJ’s and all the other sorts of J’s that I am to young and pretty to know about. And what about restaurants where the thought of your ugly guests getting it on is too much. What do they offer by way of scandal? Heroin booths? Fuck I’m sounding like an outraged Daily Mail correspondent. Wont somebody think of the children?!
But still sex in the restaurant bathroom is wrong. Don’t do it this Valentines day. Actually don’t do it at all on any day in any restaurant bathroom because, well, because it’s fucking wrong you filthy filthy people. Like I say, my mind is open to many things – from The Smiths doing happy hardcore dance music to my eating an owl but not this. No ta.
Hat doff to Medbh for the link.
29 Comments → “Sex in the Shitty”
In the past, when I’ve tried, I’ve been interrupted. Talk about being put off your stroke…
Oh crikey, it’s in Canada.
*ashamed*
Even more shameful than sex in the shitty is the fact that while you were away, I placed my first ever mobile-phone-call-from-inside-a-restaurant call.
I don’t know what came over me to make me do such a thing!
I am deeply, deeply ashamed.
And now this.
not twitter: oh I shamed for you….shamed I say…
MJ: Heh Canadians…lovely people…oh dear, you’re one of *those* people….I’m shamed for you too…
have I not taught either of you anything?
Yes, yes. I do listen. I’ve stopped ordering gravy with my fish.
ha! you’re less tragic in my eyes now….heh
I must say I have to agree with you. Sex in the toilet is beneath even my standards. What’s wrong with having sex on the table in the dining room, like normal people?
oh sweet mother of perpetual sparrows having met you I can safely say that is not something i want to see….or imagine
no offense like…heh
That’s OK. I have met you too, and you’re not my type.
hahahaha then we can both rest easy tonight….arf
holy christ on the crapper – from the article: maids will bring a “feather duster and cleaning supplies”? try a gallon of bleach and a flamethrower, kids… yeaaaaargh!
or a bucket of cold water and pictures of the grandparents….that’ll put the nastiness out of them
OY! Leave grandparents out of it.
pfft its toronto almost as hated as quebec by the rest of canada..except quebec has good food.
I blame the recession.
I know!
The horror.
And what are the diners who have to pee supposed to do?
Wait it out and hope he’s a ten-pump chump?
Grandad: ha….never!
Cat: oooooh
Boxer: I blame filthy people…
Medbh: hadn’t even considered that…ten pump chump? hehehehehe
Cat said, except quebec has good food.
Have you tasted poutine?
That poor, poor maid
Not sure….which one would you rather have to clean up after?
http://widelawns.blogspot.com/
(Also, just read her. Starting from the archives beginning. You think YOUR family is odd).
MJ: doesn’t sound pretty….!
Minnow: I know! I mean what sort of money must she be getting paid for that?!
GG: Ha! I haven’t read that site in ages….good find…!
Talk of sex in the bathroom and I am reading it is going on here in Canada already and there is talk of poutine through the comments. Already we have a bad reputation as tippers. Because I should be a coat check for the latrines!
Hmm…it’s just not sexy or exciting if it’s being actively encouraged, like eating your greens or paying your taxes.
I can see the appeal in doing anything that annoys waiters, though, but that’s just me…
“Have you tasted poutine?”
you mean heart attack on a plate? good god no thats not food thats crap to only be eaten late at night when everything else is shut down and you’ve just left the pub and neeeeeeeed something to nosh on.
poutine for those not in the know
french fries smothered in gravy and topped with cheese curds..(bleaurghh)
Ah yes, there really is nothing quite like a knee trembler in a bathroom stall, where you desperately try keep things going with one hand and hold your pants up out of the inch of stranger’s urine on the floor with the other.
Which reminds me, it’s nearly Valentine’s day.
Steve: who knew Canadians were so interesting?!
Plongeur: grrrrrr….
Cat: ooooh it sounds wonderful now….wants
Martin: oooh you old smoothie you….!
coverage by cbc …which is kinda like bbc for canada, enjoy manuel…a wee bit if canada for you a food dish makes the ‘news’ lol
http://archives.cbc.ca/lifestyle/food/topics/1371-8372/
Poutine is the holy trinity of fries, gravy and cheese curds.
Oops… whilst in Ireland, substitute the word chips for fries.