St Mehlintines
it’s not good when you have to buy props to earn tips…
I had to resort to buying packets of Love Hearts as a final attempt to earn tips of the ever parsimonious St Valentines guests. It’s a cheap move but you never know. If quality service, magnificent food, free flowing wine and the general romance of the day doesn’t do it (make them dig deep into their pockets for the humble waiter that is) then there is nothing like sweets from your childhood to bring a smile to your face. Obviously it failed. The miserable, tight fisted shite hawks. Fuck I hope they all get genital warts and their bits fall off.
I was convinced I wouldn’t have to bother with work this weekend or any weekend ever again as I, like almost everybody else in Europe, had bought tickets for the EuroMillions Lotto draw on Friday night and I was sure I was going to win it. £113m eh, ooh baby that’s a lot of money. I could really have done with that cash too. I had plans for it – an island named Waitropia, a dog for every day of the week, a hit on Adam Sandler and a chain of Morrissey themed cafes with food items such as Suedehead muffins and the Ouija cheese Board. But the Viva Hate Cafe and Soy Milkshake Bar will have to wait.
The Cousin said that he would have been happy with a million, I said I’d have been a hell of a lot happier with £113m. Little Miss Manuel chimed in with, ‘money isn’t everything and it doesn’t buy you happiness’. Arse. You can buy your own island with money and thus be as happy as a waiter rolling in shit on his own island. ‘That sort of money would change you too much’, insisted The Cousin from the luxury of his single bed in the Trolls Kingdom – tea in one hand, muffin packet of muffins in the other whilst watching illegally download episodes of Breaking Bad. It’s hard to take life advice from The Cousin.
But what’s the point of doing the lottery, any lottery, if not to obtain significant life/waist changing wealth? All these altruistic types that say they’d give most of it away get on my moobs. Seriously? Give it away? My ass! You’d never find me let alone get any off me. Plus it easy to say you’d give it away from the comfort of your relative poverty. Oh don’t get me wrong I say the same too, even promising to open The Manuel. T. Waiter home for the Waiterly Infirm but I’ll never do it. The cash, when I win it, is coming with me to Waitropia and the rest of you can screw off.
But, like I say I’m currently unburdened by the supposed guilt of being fabulously wealthy. Actually if I am burdened by anything it’s an overdraft and lack of my own island. That said I did manage to secure a late night pizza delivery on Friday night after discovering that I wasn’t a multi millionaire. Life eh, it’s all swings and roundabouts.
But Waitropia, like earning any decent tips on St Valentines Day, are just dreams for another day…
23 Comments → “St Mehlintines”
I suppose on Valentine’s day it’s when the tightwads have to come out because they’ve all had to listen to the “you haven’t taken me out for dinner since last Valentine’s” speech. Do they wince when their other half doesn’t buy the cheapest thing on the menu?
they don’t get a choice…set menu, fixed price….I had one charmer tonight who wouldn’t even share a bottle of wine with his girlfriend…she wanted wine but he stuck to his pint….she ordered water in the end….what an asshole….!
I’m curious about the packets of Love Hearts. Did you play truth or dare with them, arrange them on the table in a heart shape or give them each a packet as they left like a kids party bag?
three on a plate with the bill…and no more than three….sweet eh….heh
I have a friend who always used to say, “They say money doesn’t buy you happiness, but I call bullshit. If rich people are so miserable with all that money, then why aren’t they out giving it away?”
I know that if I had some money, a trip to the strip club tonight would buy me some temporary happiness.
oh god now i want candy
minnow: no, give it to me so i can go island shopping…
suze: all gone i’m afraid….gone for little return too….sake
i tipped the server in an IHOP (pancake house) $10 on a $20 breakfast check… it’s valentine’s day, for fuckssake…. what’s wrong with those wankers?
god knows daisy….i certainly don’t…..! it’s the same every year
You’re telling me the first thing you’d do wouldn’t be buying a restaurant kitted out like a ‘Saw’ torture palace to exact vengeance on all the nose-miners and shitehawks that have troubled you in the past?
Gah!! Shitty tippers need to go to Shitty Tipper Hell. My Mister and I went for some lunch, I forgot it even was the dreaded V-day until I saw the hershey’s kisses with the bill. What’s awesome, we noticed that the restaurant now prints out projected tip amounts at the bottom of the receipt, at 15%, 20%, and 25%. Now even your arithmetically-challenged friends will know if you’re a cheapskate!!
Plongeur: well when you put it lik that it would be rude not to….
TiG: You see, thats the sort of thinking we need in this country!
Avoided amateur night. AnBheanBui & I will go for a meal this week.
To be honest getting a sweet from the waiter saying “kiss me quick” might make even me want to pay up quick & leave…..
kiss me quick? you’d be lucky…they’re all modern now with crap like, email me and bff…..mooks
i stayed in with my head under the blankets…meh..valentines..would have been alot better with hisself home and not working
The trend seems to be that folks blow through their lottery winnings and then wind up broke again. I suppose that’s a rollercoaster ride.
Cat: awh….that’s rough….it was the same in our house too with me working….so it;s pizza out tonight and then…..IKEA! woo hoo!
Medbh: oh yeah, especially that scouse/Irish chap Mickey something or other….he pissed/snorted it all away….muppet
I just won five dollars.
Envy me.
Manuel old chum, this entry has just made me realise that I am a numpty.
Mj: envy? I’m gonna rob ya….hehehe
Silent Koala: hahahahahaa
Any lottery winners who claim it won’t change them and they intend to keep their original jobs doesn’t deserve to win the lottery.
If I won, I would create a large money pool and swim in it daily.
I’m very aware that the above sentence doesn’t make any sense.
*ahem*
‘All those lottery winners, who intend to keep their original jobs and protest that the money won’t change them are lottery winners who did not deserve to win.
I wish I could swim in money’
That’s a bit better
a Morrissey themed cafe?! sir, you are a visionary.