Interview with a Waiter (no vampires were harmed during this interview)
I did an interview for a local magazine on Tuesday. The local press have managed to ignore Well Done Fillet for years now despite their counterparts from The Guardian, Irish Times, Sunday Times and the fail on sunday to name but a few all having featured my rants at some stage. But then again I did get a mention in The Belfast Tele last week so maybe my lucks in. As someone put it, “You’ve reached the small time now”! Heh. Not that I covet such things….much.
The journalist had been at me for a bit to do an interview but being the shy, retiring sort who shuns the limelight I had always said, ‘no’. But I overcame my natural shyness and relented to his request and so I found myself alone, save for a suited chap at a nicer table, in SHU restaurant. Good times indeed. For some reason I was nervous. Was he going to expose me? Was he going to launch a vitriolic attack on waiters and waiterkind? Would I be greeted by snapping paparazzi types trying to get the Manuel scoop?
Obviously not. But I did wonder for a bit.
There was no real reason to be nervous. I was going to be eating wonderful food whilst taking about myself. I mean I couldn’t really ask for much more from a Tuesday afternoon!
And so as I necked my asparagus risotto with an uncivilised haste, but bugger me with a fish fork it was delicious, and followed it with pork belly with things and stuff and swirly bits, they really were the loveliest swirly bits I’ve ever had, we talked…about me. I waxed lyrical about everything from the early days of my career to where I am now and everything in between. I made important points about what restaurateurs need to do to improve the quality of waiting staff in the city (pay more and invest in proper training.) I recanted amusing anecdotes about dimwitted diners and beastly chefs. I gave chapter and verse on my take on modern society and about how it is falling apart and how waiters can save the world and reduce carbon emissions and make everything lovely.
Or something like that.
As I made the short walk home I was feeling pretty damn full of win! I hadn’t disgraced myself and had manage to keep the swearing to something like every fifth word. Which is really quite fucking impressive for me. I hadn’t given away an work secrets and I’m pretty sure I hadn’t divulged my bank account details, PIN number or sexual deviance’s (not that I have any…obviously).
Oh yes so full of win was I that I sauntered home whistling like a jolly chappy from a shit musical (all musicals are shit). If I had the energy and skill I would have danced as I walked. But I don’t so I didn’t plus that sort of thing, dance walking, is frowned upon on the leafy streets of South Belfast. It may be perfectly acceptable in other parts of the town, but not on the South side. It has a terrible effect on house prices apparently.
The successful interview was my second win of the day having already scored a win for the reasonable people of Belfast by helping a chum to get a nasty, vile and quite possibly inflammatory Facebook group removed before breakfast. I mean there is nothing quite like a win against bigots before you are even dressed. Emboldened as I was with this win I was sure that I couldn’t fail for the rest of the day.
And then I got home.
I had just sat down with my celebratory cup of win tea at the Mac and checking through my emails I found one from the very same journo that I had just left. He hadn’t saved the recording of the interview properly and all was lost. My life story, my plans for a better tomorrow, my ten point plan to save the world through waiting all gone…lost due to a terrible case of fat fingers…or something like that.
Meh, what you gonna do?!
I hoped he was going to have to take me out for lunch again because SHU was superb but alas no, he’s emailing me the questions again. At least now I can include the diagrams for the final, waiting, solution.
You win some, you lose some. Heh…
22 Comments → “Interview with a Waiter (no vampires were harmed during this interview)”
I was expecting you to say you found lots of green in your teeth from the risotto when you returned home.
That would have been bad enough.
Didn’t the journalist take notes?
What an incompetent, lazy shit (I wrote cunt initially but thought I’d better tone it down).
So he’s going to cut and paste from your email to make the article and basically have fuck all to do.
He’s got natural journalistic talent there all right.
Medbh: no need what with the mightiness of an iPhone apparently…
Not Twitter: ooooh you’re very harsh…he’s a good sort…these things happen I suppose…
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by ManuelTheWaiter and NIviews, Chris Jones. Chris Jones said: Ouch. RT @ManuelTheWaiter: The day i was interviewed by a journalist…. http://tinyurl.com/3845nnu [...]
And huzzah on the local press taking notice!
‘Bout time.
yeah it’s good but now that I think about it, it could come back and bite me on the ass…
gah…broadband is down….don’t trash the place….I’ll be back just as soon as i talk to someone in India and then someone in Liverpool and then wait two days for an engineer to come round and kick the tyres of the modem whilst shaking his head and taking sharp intakes of breath…
there will be tears…
So where will we be able read the interview?
Wonderful stuff. I wonder will it spark an ‘Are you Manuel?’ campaign. I was already kinda doing that before meeting you so it will be nice to pass the crazy torch on…
Medbh – in my book recording interviews means you can concentrate on the person you’re talking to rather than feverishly writing down what they’re saying and not paying any attention to them… plus have you ever tried to eat pork belly and write at the same time?
Not Twitter you’re a harsh one. Admittedly my fat fingers pressing the wrong button on my iPhone (and not noticing said gaff until I plugged it into my machine) does put me up there for idiot of the year but lazy, no. Incompetent, no. Stupid yesterday, yes. And a cunt, definitely not. But then if I had saved it, Manuel would have had nothing to write about. Taxi – it’s the next edition of our magazine, which will be out first week in June.
John, indeed I am. Or hyperbolic. Or both.
Have you tried plugging your Yphone into a Windows box and using something like…
http://www.freedownloadmanager.org/downloads/FreeUndelete_25879_p/
or
http://www.cardrecovery.com/?rid=google&kid=cr0103
How much did you tip?
[...] Simpsons where you saw the episode from the eyes of each of the characters, your best bet is now to click here and read Manuel’s side of the story. You can follow any responses to this entry through the [...]
Oh, and you can read my take on the whole debacle here:
http://belfastmedia.com/food/?p=2072
Dictation machines… every journo should have one…. old school…. but reliable…..
A crisp £10 note by the way on the tip provided by Manuel himself.
oh, how exciting! and the ‘point/counterpoint/how much we tipped’ in the comment section? high drama.
yeah. i should get out more…
Social comments and analytics for this post…
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Yes Daisy, you could come along to the next interview and make sure it saves for me and keep Manuel from losing the plot over a fish fork!
An assignment I did at college, a few weeks of research and a couple of days to write up including diagrams, I went to print it and PUFF, it disappeared. I was devastated, I rewrote it but it just wasn`t the same. Another win for you Manuel congrats!, and John I hope the new app works for you.
such a day with the broadband arse about worse than a prime minister in the back of car with a mic on…twat…both of them….
I think everyone has experienced that terrible moment when you realize that all your hard work has vanished in the blink of an eye. It’s happened to me plenty of times, mostly because I am completely computer-illiterate. The hardest part for me is deciding which to do first, beat up my computer (it’ll work one day, I’m sure) or curl up in to a ball to cry.
Thanks Sparky. Kelly it’s worse when you’re constantly banging on to people about backups and with having got a degree in computers last year! Computer literate or illiterate, the machines have the power!
I would throw my iPhone at the wall were it not for the fact I love it too much.