Ask Manuel!
As I’m still off work whilst waiting for “Ouchy’s” birth I am devoid of contact with the never ending gift that is your average restaurant guest. So I shall take the time to peruse my correspondence and answer some of your queries and conundrums. There will probably be another Ask Manuel later in the week, unless I die from the shock of passing evil marbles through my wotsit.
Here’s a question from Alf. Well I assume he’s called Alf and it’s not actually from the A.L.F. I’m not sure I want to correspond with the 1970′s version of Peta. Anyhoo, Alf is all confused about tipping. How frightful…
Dear Ass Manual [ha, v funny - Manuel]
On the subject of tipping, something I know you hold close to your heart. I don’t really “do” birthday or Christmas presents for chums, so I like to take my pals out occasionally during the year and buy them dinner at a nice restaurant.
My question is: Seeing as how I’ve stumped up the best part of a week’s wages to feed the hungry scrotes, is it unreasonable of me to expect them to leave the tip? Also, should the tip be left as cold, hard, foldable cash which can easily be quietly pocketed by the waiter, or should it just be added to the bill and put on the credit card? I notice that some restaurants have the option to type in a tip amount on the PIN machine (sometimes, due to this confusion and non-conformity, the lucky waiter has gone away with a substantial PIN-sized tip) and some don’t. I hear that tips added to the bill get shared around the restaurant staff and that’s the last thing I want.
Good service deserves payment. Standing way over yonder, pointing and giggling whilst polishing the silver (this is a waitering euphemism for a wank, right?) [no, but it is now - Manuel]does not allow you to dip your sticky fingers into my bank account.
And then there’s my difficulty in judging a quality waiter. Sometimes I feel I have been under waited on, where the order is taken and delivered promptly, but then I am ignored for the rest of the sitting. However I do like to be left to enjoy my dinner in peace. But an over-attentive waiter will start to chip away at my end-of-meal generosity. There is nothing I like less than having to do the “mouth full of food mumbling of ‘yes everything’s lovely thank you’ followed by a big grin which shows my teeth covered in spring greens” thing over and over again. Yes, this potato is as good as the other one I was eating two minutes ago. Yes, this glass of warm tap water with a slice of lemon in is quite delightful, thank you.
I don’t know. I think I’m ranting. Perhaps I’ll go off and have a wee drinkie and lay down in the street like that bloke from the other Monday.
Goes on a bit eh. Heh. But it’s a good question Alf.
Tipping is a vexed issue for some people. Not me, I say if it feels right, do it. That’s also my, “putting your hand into holes” policy. So you take your chums out for dinner but you don’t want to spring for the tip. Tight wad. But then again so are your chums. I see this sort of malarkey on regular basis. Some chump pays the bill, assumes one of the people he has just bought din dins for will get the tip, but they assume chump got the tip and ultimately keep their short arms in their long pockets. So the waiter gets stiffed. It’s all very annoying and quite avoidable with just a little shame.
That’s right shame. Lovely lovely shame.
You have to shame your chums into leaving the tip. Be as bold as brass, tell them you got the bill so they get they tip. And by the way seeing as you paid for dinner they should leave a generous tip, in cash preferably. Credit card tips are always fine, no waiter is going to turn them down but cash is always preferable. We waiters really are the dodgy dealers of the hospitality industry and will suck in our cheeks and make tutting noises if you add it on to the card. But it’s better than not getting tipped, especially when you know you deserve it.
Tips are handled in different ways from restaurant to restaurant. Some are divvied out by management via the much hated point system. This is a system so dodgy and corrupt that even the management at Enron or even Bonkers Bernie Madoff would think twice before getting involved. Some managers, the good sort, take nothing to do with tips citing a ‘don’t ask don’t tell policy’. In this instance tips are either kept by the waiters working the section and then others are tipped out to, people such as the the glorious dishwasher chap or the delightful bar chum. We pool our tips and take equal cuts, because we are very red like that.
Now when it comes to judging the service and the waiter and how much you should leave that’s a harder question. In the good old Us of A they leave a percentage of the bill. Which is a lovely idea that some folk over here have adopted. That said I do find 3% to be an insult. But it’s difficult to tell people how and what they should tip. Like I say if it feels right, do it. And then double it.
Help much Alf?
I despise people with tipping policies they are self indulgent, insecure, entitlement junkies looking for an excuse not to tip. But still I am eager to hear your tipping criteria…
Any other issues? Hmm, I really do have lots of time on my hands.
36 Comments → “Ask Manuel!”
In good form then I see. With all this time on your hands you could train a centipede, one with strong front legs, to climb up your pish pipe and tug them rocks out. Just a thought.
I’ll put that on the maybe file then shall i…
Ah that old gripe, tipping. I may just go on a long winded comment here please excuse….
In answer to your query, I agree with Manuel, tell your friends you expect them to tip. They really can’t be that tight if you’ve paid for dinner.
10% is a good gauge to go by, if everything was fine but you weren’t blown away it’s ok to go as low as 5%( although I wouldn’t recommend being that stingy in your regular restaurant), and if you loved the food and your waiter found that perfect balance of being friendly, helpful but not too in your face you can be really nice and leave 15%.
Tips are divided differently in different place, where I work during the week we share them out, cos it’s quieter and people end up multi-tasking more because there is less staff. At the weekend each waiter gets there own section and keeps their tips, although we always have to give 30% to the kitchen. Also another thing to bear in mind is that the lovely Irish government has a 13.5% tax on all service charge tips…basically any tips that go through the till receipts. How nice of them!!!
Mostly waiters can tell the difference between people who can’t afford to tip that much and those that are being tight. If you were happy with your meal and your service then don’t be an ass, please tip!! People don’t work there for the minimum wage, they do it for the cash, and they deserve it, it can be a damn hard job.
I’ve had friends argue that it shouldn’t be there responsibility to pay the wages of their waiter, that the restaurant should pay them higher wages. Well if this happened the price of you food would go up. At least this way it’s at your discretion, if you food tastes like old boot, or your waiter is an annoying prick who ignores your table it’s in your power not to tip….see way better than automatically paying a higher price.
Oh on the question about the credit card machine tip, all of them have the option, just some people think it’s rude if you ask them if you want to put a tip on the card, like you’re pressuring them into it. It makes no difference if it’s in cash or credit card, it’s all money!
……rant over
Mostly waiters can tell the difference between people who can’t afford to tip that much and those that are being tight.
yes we can and when an elderly couple leave you £2.50 you know they are happy and they leave the tip for the right reasons…
as for the credit card tip option…I just push past it and don’t even offer it…It’s akin to begging…I don’t beg….unless it’s the week before payday…I’ll beg like a dog then…
oh, dear… it’s up to me, is it? my tip for average service (defined by “i didn’t notice it being particularly good or particularly bad) is 15%. if i have to fall down to the floor, clutching my throat and gasping for breath in order to get my server to take my drink order? that’s a 5% hit, with room to go up or down depending on how the server responds from there. for brilliant service (defined as ‘that je ne sais quoi that makes me feel happy’, which often comes from too much wine as well as good service), it’s 20%.
now, this is all qualified by something that probably makes no sense – the cheaper the meal, the higher the percentage of my tip.
greasy spoon diner, breakfast served by a harried woman sporting an honest-to-freakin-god beehive hairdo will cost me $5.00, with free coffee refills. Ol’ Beatrice will get a $10 tip sometimes… that’s 200%, right? i had a lovely diner waitress spill maple syrup on me, and she felt so horrible about it i had to leave her $20 and run to my car before she noticed.
I love you and your tipping policy….move here…
Manuel, what if you are in premises that have “Restaurant” in the name, but are probably less than “Caff” in the grand scheme of things? Case in hand, the better quarter and me went out for some child-free brunch on Sunday. The waiter came down to the table talking on her mobile. If this wasn’t bad enough, rather than balancing the phone between her head and shoulder when carrying the drinks down, she carried the glass propped in her rather cavernous arm pit and wiped the spilt ice from the table back into the glass. The order was taken by a “WHAT JEES WANT??” from some 20ft away. The food described as “2 of this, 2 of that” was actually “One of this cut in two.” I mean seriously, a bit of bacon cut in two isn’t really 2 pieces of bacon??
Does this justify the tip equalling the Square Root of F*ck All??
well if you will restrict yourself and your delightful wife to spending a maximum of £10 per meal out…..tightwad…she sounds like a wonderful waiter with the multitasking skills that an octopus would be proud of.
Mmmm, out with a group of friends once, we got into a “discussion” about tipping as the bill was being divided – i left more than anyone else because pretty much everyone was being a twat about it – outside one of my “friends” handed me some cash & said “there is some of that back, you left too much of a tip”
We don’t see those people too often now, owing to my reaction………..
I have worked in the industry at a low level, i tip and i tip well…..
happens all the time Simbo….the worst is when everybody in a large pays in cash with tip and then one dude goes, “I’ll put it on my card”. He scoops all the cash, including tip, and settles the bill with his card to the exact total….not cool!
Supersimbo, I hope there was no cutlery within easy reach.
My tipping tends to be in the 10-15% range & if paying by card the tip is in cash.This is due to my suspicions about what the owners do with it.
RE: Alf & the over attentive waiter, how about desk name tags with “everythings lovely thanks” “step away from the wine bottle” “Please call an ambulance” etc and blank ones for the couple who go for a meal but never speak.
10 to 15%….good man….carry on
to tip or not to tip….. that is THE question….
did mr/ms waiter have lovely insightful knowledge about the menu – yes = tip, no = sfa
did mr/ms waiter smile and pay attention to you while ordering – yes = tip, no = sfa
did mr/ms waiter promptly clear the table after dinner – yes = tip, no = sfa
did mr/ms waiter immediately offer the dessert menu for my perusal – yes = tip, no = sfa
a good waiter is always vigilant to their diners….. there’s nothing worse than trying to catch the attention of a waiter who is too busy flirting with the girl/guy behind the bar to notice that you are slowly dying from dehydration…. or lack of dessert……
some can do both….flirt and serve…not me I have no need to flirt….
I’ve no problem people not tipping if the service was crap, that’s not in question. When I said it’s ok to go as low as 5%, that’s if you’re broke, or it wasn’t amazing. I don’t really like when people leave so little but that’s the reality. What kills me is when groups eat together and nobody has the balls to say it when everyone is being tight bastards. I’ve actually had a table of 7 people spend a grand, sing my praises, loved the food, no problems….and they left nothing…nothing!!! That makes me very angry…if you are ever stupid enough to do that, never go back to the restaurant again!
Personally I tip 10-15% and always 20% in the restaurant I work in.
c’mon….calm down….you’re thinking too much about this…
Manuel, your endless enlightenment on the delicate art of tipping is salvation to me. But tipping is a ‘broad church’ and I have questions. Could you give us humble seekers of tipptruthery some wider gospel in your hour of contemplation? What of the vexed question of barbers and hair-dressers? The underhanded nuance of the car mechanics and the unfathomable voodoo that is the taxi driver? Or do I now speak of the gratuity that has no name?
It’s a frightening world out there and while I long to leave the cosy understanding of the restaurant, my cover overfloweth with debris and I fear the darkness o’er yonder.
-Blod.
if they bring it to you, fix it for you, cut it or manicure it for you then tip them….simples…but better not top tip at all than leave an offensive tip…unless of course you want to be offensive..
If a friend just decided to spring for the meal for no apparent reason, I’d be more than happy to cover the tip. (Generally speaking, 20% is a good starting point, and you work your way up or down depending on service. US rules, heard it’s different in Europe because they actually pay wait-staff a living wage there.) BUT, in no circumstances can I imagine making your friend leave the tip if the whole point was taking them out for their birthday or some other occasion. HELLO! Cheap much? That pretty much devalues the whole “this is a gift” ambiance of the evening. Either I’m very rigid in my thinking, or you, Manuel, were entirely too forgiving in your response……and I opt for the latter.
yes, well….Alf’s English….they’re a rum lot…
what daisyfae said! we know a couple that we rarely go out with anymore because he is a tightwad when it comes to tipping. he’s also a real PITA about, of all things, THE PEPPER MILL ceremony! yes, he gets indignant if the waiter doesn’t come over with the tool and pepper his dish! I KNOW, RIGHT? anyway, a waiter has to be really horrible not to get 20% from me! xoxoxoxo
send him my way….I’ll deal with that malarkey…
I tip 20%, unless the service was a) truly dreadful, in which case they get 15% or b) truly wonderful, in which case they get whatever extra I can afford.
As for Alf, Buddy, you took your friends out to a meal as a gift. Unless you’ve said something beforehand, the tip’s on you too. Cheapie.
heh….well said
Oh Manuel! You’ve answered my question so beautifully. And your world of commenters have given me much pause for thought.
Next time, my chums can have Pot Noodle and tinned peaches. I’ll even go as far as Del Monte ones.
invoice is in the post….I hop they didn’t hurt too much…heh
A few well dressed gentleman out for a meal….
Head Honcho:”Thank you that was a great meal, we’ll cover the tip for the cheapass ‘ere who won’t tip Mr waiter, er, Manuel”
Manuel:”Thank you”
Head Honcho:”Tell me Manuel, are the bins quite big behind the restaurant?”
Manuel:”Quite average for this size of restaurant, and collected once a day”
Head Honcho:”That’s good to to know, this should cover the bill and here’s a 20% tip that should cover the insult of this cheapskate”
*hands over loads’a money*
Manuel:”Thank you sir”
Head Honcho:”Well, OK ramblers, let’s get rambling, we need to have a chat out back with Mr Pink”
heh….Mr Pink….douchebag….I get many mr pinks a week….MANY!
You won’t be saying that when I’m laughing it up in Lahndahn. I think I’ve counted a total of 8 Michelin stars…
Or should that be Mitchellin’ stars for me and cuntinuity up there?
Giant fucking Pielord….PIELORD’S GONNA GET YOU….!
and your email address….I’m gonna get you…get you hard…
“I’m gonna get you…get you hard…”
Buy me a drink first, petal.
aye, thats what you say when the vicar comes round
The Real Phil Not Grant, eh?
SPLITTERS!
ignore him…he’ll go away
Maybe it’s an American thing, but I was taught to take the tax and double it, minimally. So that’s 17.25%ish. Leaving less, with any group of people I’m with, gets you tut tutted and lectured for being rude. For good service, our wait staff gets about 20-22%. I have also been with people who have left as high as 35%+, because they’re generous folk. But no, never below 17%.
starting rate would be 10% here….sometimes that aspirational too….heh