Snappy Snap went the angry waiter…
Today I am angry for numerous reasons. First I had to spend far too much time on Tuesday evening cleaning rotten eggs from off my windows and front door and the general vicinity of said front door. This was all due to my house having been egged by the junior wing of the gang from John Carpenters, "Assault on Precinct 13".The assault, such as it was, went on for maybe 30 maybe even 40 seconds. Egg after egg was launched in an unprovoked attack that was both horrid and smelly. It was horrific I must say. I know know how the people of Israel feel as the missiles come raining in from the Palestinian side. I shall sink their supply ships/slash their football next time I come across these ruffians.
I may not. One of them looked like he didn't have much to live for and wouldn't mind stabbing me. Honestly I was as angry as John Prescott and went off up the street after them. But damn them and their youth, they out run me. Actually they had out run me before I had even decided to out run at them. And what would I have done when I caught up with them? I mean what can you do that doesn't end up with you having your house burned down and your face in the local paper for being the tormentor of exuberant younglings?! Sake...
This is not how I wanted to spend my last evening before returning to gameful employment. That's right I am going back to work. These kidney stones are taking the piss. No pun intended. I cannot put my life on hold/leave the restaurant to the machinations of the management team and under qualified waiter chums for a moment longer. For Gordon's sake I called in on Friday to leave off my sick note Fitness for Work note and they had managed to lose the diary. The diary? But that's were all the xmas bookings are! I nearly had a relapse right there and then. Obviously I don't really want to go back to work and will pull my uniform on with tears in my eyes on Wednesday afternoon.
Sigh/wince. Anyhoo on to the point of today's post..
The Guardian's food blog, on Monday about that utterly despicable Giles Coren. You'll remember Coren from his pointless and factually incorrect review rant about a Belfast restaurant. Plus the loathsome fucker is never off the TV so it's difficult to forget him. Much like sitting outside in the sun without protection, over exposure of Mr Coren tends to bring one out in an angry rash. I am scratching so hard right now I fear I could break skin.I am not a fan of Mr Coren, he's a smug little toff and I am not at home to smug little toffs.
Anyhoo he has a new book to promote so he has decided to kick up a bit of controversy by having a go at folk who, from time to time, snap a quick shot of their food when out dining. No, Mr Coren objects to this fairly recent fashion in a quite vociferous manner.
"I think photographing one's food in a restaurant is easily as rude, disrespectful and brutish as … dropping one's trousers in the middle of the room and taking a massive dump".
Oh fucking does one? Really?
He calls food bloggers, "pale, flabby" people with, "wankerish little digicameras". I'll side step the pale flabby remark as I am currently a few pounds over my target weight due to being off work and my insatiable desire for coconut fingers. But my camera is aces, even the iPhone takes a half decent photograph. He really is a loud mouth little twit. He's the little brother that always got bullied and the sort of dick that got into trouble but ensured you got the blame.
He's an oik and no mistake.
I love it when guests photograph their food, well that is when they do it with a smile on their face. It's a whole lot less pleasing when they scrape it into a plastic sample bag and mark it, "Exhibit A". Hell I've even taken photos of sparkling plates laden with lush and lovely foods for guests. I've never known any other guests to be upset by this. I know my other waiter chums couldn't give two big flying hoots about it and I know the management never see it happening. It's quite impossible to see the restaurant from the office. Heh.
Ok I suppose I could understand people getting a bit miffed if the delightful couple on table 8 decided to whip out a tripod and big sexy Nikon attached and start getting on like a pushy wedding photographer. But that's hardly likely to happen now is it. Obviously as long as people are discreet I don't see how any reasonable person could be upset by somebody snapping a picy for their blog or facebook or whatever.
But you see that's it, I said reasonable. Giles Coren isn't reasonable. He is an omnipresent media Muppet who makes you swear like a Scottish lad with tourettes at a funeral every time you see him. He makes my blood boil.
I should really get a book on anger management.
If anybody needs me I'll be standing by the front door, waiting...waiting for the egg chuckers to come back...waiting with, "reasonable force".
As a subeditor I fully endorse your assessment of Mr Coren as a cnut of the first water.
that’s right he gives subs a terrible time….didn’t he go on a rant about subs too?
You could surreptitiously install a motion sensor sprinkler system to drench the offenders as they approach your door. We use those to discourage the local fauna from eating my garden. I guess it could work for egg launching bastards too.
hmmm…fill it with hot oil….nice
Arsewipe.
yup….that’s the one…total slapped arse…
Just paint a target on next door’s wall.
And did the centipede work?
heh….not yet….
hooligans! xoxoxo
totally….grrrrr
Why would they egg your house?
Egging only occurs over here on Hallowe’en.
I dunno MJ. Maybe they are readers of WDF and don’t like my frequent disparaging remarks about chefs. They looked like future chefs and they had a whole crate of eggs.
Giles Coren is just a flaming cunt.
I read his review of Goodfellas and whilst I don’t like it myself, I was utterly offended that he didn’t do his research.
Loyalist graffiti? Seriously? Did he actually know where he was?
I KNOW! I cannot stand his smug as fuck little face….That review was over the top and nasty….no need…
speaking as one who is known for her regular photo posts of delicious cupcakes and stone cooked steaks… that man is an absolute twat….. i mean he’s really just being a narky little bitch….. what ever happened to credible journalism…. its his kind that give the rest of us a bad rep!!
narky little bitch heh perfect
what the fluff is wrong with snapping a pic of a well presented delish dish? take a dump on him the twat! probably like it though..arse
hahahahaha yes, yes he probably would…I may christen him the scat man…
The motive here is depressingly simple: he’s obviously both threatened and terrified by the phenominon. It’s understandable though. Every word put out there by us pale, sylph like, egg-scented bloggers is done for love of it; for the enthusiasm of the food and for the sharing of a good time. And most importantly for free. For the ‘professional body’ finding a fresh and inclusive new angle to compete with this is becoming an increasing challenge. Doing it without being shocking or offensive is doubly so and separates true authorship (and work worthy of payment) from hackattacks. If Mr Coren can’t keep up, I’m sure there’s someone out there who’d be willing to provide him with an alternative position. And a shiney little namebadge to match. Meal deal anyone?
and he has a book to promote so nothing better than causing a bit of a fuss along the way…douche!
Coren is a true Smunt…
His main problem is that he isn’t Jeremy Clarkson… it’s not much to live up to but he’s trying (very)
very true….very very true…
That cun-t coren was on Newsnight Review last week reviewing SATC2, he said it was poor, well fcuk me pink and call me rosey, hardly going out on a limb there Giles. I just dont understand who or what he is, why is he a food and film critic when he clearly knows fu*k all about either.
Oh and if the bold boys come near the house again i shall confront them in my ‘appartment pants’, that will either a) scare them for good or b) get me arrested.
arrested then…heh
Perhaps we should put his claim to the test? We could get someone to snap pictures of their food at the same time that someone else is taking a massive dump in the restaurant, and see which behavior gets the most attention. Now, if we could just find some volunteers.
Ha ha ha ha ha I’m up for that….I’m about to eat curry sooooo…..
Do not engage the egg throwers.
Little Miss Manuel must be telling you the same thing.
A plate of food disappears so quickly that taking a photo makes sense.
Only a fuckface would object to a harmless momento of an evening out.
I really chuckled at this…As it was I went out after them without shoes on so she knew I wasn’t gonna get very far….and when I did put shoes on I put converse on….not great for shit kicking…
One now has the scat man song running in one’s consciousness, how does one remove it from one’s blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
don’t click this…
I hate that stuck up fucker. He really doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Also don’t fight the kids, buy a crossbow. A lot less dangerous for you.
Heh heh heh, awesome
is’t it…really chuffed
I take pics all the time and text them to the Mother in Law as we are both bins and fond of our food. I think it increases business as when looking through pics on the phone, you see them and go ”Right! We are going back to the mourne seafood this weekend”
I have a folder on my hard drive dedicated to them, which is maybe a bit much, but always gets an oooh and an ahhhh when updated.
So fk you giles you posh knt!
i have a folder too! and btw swearing fucking encouraged round these parts….feel free