Ask Manuel!

A reader writes with a situation both horrid and yet so entirely predictable. That's right, belligerent waiter strikes again! Tim, a photographer chap writes,

Picture the scene..[wavy dream lines]

The wife and I are utilising one of our (extremely rare) days off to go and do 'things' in town (shouting at the bank manager, getting our eyes tested, avoiding school-skipping yobs etc etc). After a while we decided that our hunger was going to get the better of us lest we attend a local restaurant, so we popped into a newly-built Italian chain restaurant for a light spot of lunch. Now I must emphasise the 'light'. It was lunchtime and I was dammed if I was going to spend my entire day off stuck in town, so I just wanted something quick and easy. The restaurant in question didn't have a dedicated lunch menu, so we opted to skip the starter and just head for the main course.

The waiter himself seemed a nice enough chap. We went through the motions of ordering the drinks, waiting a few moments whilst we decided upon a main course and then relayed our choices to the waiter. At first he seemed slightly disappointed that we didn't request any starters, but he continued anyway asking the obligatory "any side dishes?". When I said "no" his whole demeanour changed. We were met with short, one-word answers and no smiles at all. It's as if I'd drowned his puppy or something.

So my question to you is thus:
Are waiters paid on some sort of commission basis or is this waiter taking my responses just a little too personally? Did I do something wrong?

Oh Tim, Tim Tim Tim Tim. Now I'm not saying the waiter was an asshat nor will I defend him and his drowned puppy demeanour but this does happen, a lot. Why I had to adopted a similar attitude with an American chap who happened my way on Monday night. He was an odd fucker for sure with a face that said 'I live alone' and clothes that confirmed he didn't care. He was a tall gangly chap who spoke with a low and quite unnerving growl. Actually as he spoke he seemed to be having a conversation with an unseen third party. His tone occasionally changed from the low growl to a more coherent but no less frightening snarl. I wasn't sure if he was talking to me half the time or not but I had no intention of angering it and by it I mean the throbbing vein in his neck.

He ordered the soup, cream of carrot and a large portion of bread.

With pen poised I asked him what he wanted for his main course, maybe a barely dead goat or the torso of a willing German chap?

"I told you....I want soup and bread. Thanks a fucking million dude." He didn't say dude like a chummy frat boy. No it was more like the sarcastic end line of a knife wielding killer stalker who gets his kicks by gutting the blonde twinks of the Abercrombie set. Anyhoo, my face dropped and my previously nervous disposition was swapped for one of indignation. A soup and a bread? Really? Reeeealy? But before I could even begin to give him the stink eye and snootiness for which I am famed he stared at me with his cold, dead, LSD affected eyes and snarled,

"That a fucking problem dude?"

"Nope, soup and bread on the way. Good order", and off I scurried like a man with a reason to live.

If he hadn't looked like a character from a Wes Craven movie I would have told him he needed to order more, soup and bread wasn't gonna cut it.

Now to answer your actual question. Very few waiters on this side of the Atlantic are paid by commission, minimum wage put an end to that nightmare. But they may be bonused or tasked to sell x amount of specials or starters or sweets or even scored on their average spend. This is particularly true in chain restaurants. You didn't do anything wrong Tim, you just didn't order enough. Waiters make snap judgements about their guests from the moment they arrive. If you order what the waiter perceives to be cheaply then they expect you to tip accordingly.

It's always about the tip.

There's very little you can do in this situation save from ignoring him and by being a douche he has ensured that he isn't going to get a tip. Never worry Tim, it was his problem not yours.

As it was my lone gunman ended up being an ok sort of chap, even if he did look like he had murdered more than a few innocents. He approached me with his card out to pay the bill. I laughed, into myself, at the lightening bolts on his VISA card. Of course it would have lightening bolts on it, duh. Finishing his payment he turned, not to me but rather the third person (who wasn't really there) and growled, "These guys have a fucking weird technique." But then left £2.00 on the bar and wandered off...

Frightfully odd chap. Like some waiters really...

All questions dealt with...eventually.