Oh the horror!
like this...but worse...much much worse...
I was just about to go to bed when I happened to catch sight of The Cousin doing his bedtime routine.
This mainly involves muttering, flushing the crumbs and crusty "things" from his bed and preparing a new late night snack. The Cousin's late snacks can involve anything from small steaks to sausage rolls with flagons of ketchup. Anyhoo I was watching all this going on from the safety and security of my own room when I overheard him singing a familiar little ditty. My brain struggled to identify this particular tune but it was more urban than one would expect from a chap that thinks the sun both rises, sets and in general emanates from Radiohead's Thom Yorke.
And then as I worked it out, it took more than two verses to identify it as I am not down with the urban street flavas what with me being a 37 year old man who is about as street as jam and scones, I nearly chundered. For you see The Cousin was singing along to . And not only singing, but shaking his "booty" too. It was hard to take my eyes of this horror, it was akin to watching your fat hairy uncle giving you a lap dance.
Traumatised? Just a little. So traumatised was I that I did a little sick in my mouth and collapsed on my bed. I lay there awake all night. Every time I closed my eyes I could see The Cousin singing the line, "MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD" whilst wearing gold hot pants with matching boob tube and gyrating his man booty round our garden spilling milkshake on himself as a group of like minded and similarly dressed chaps egged him on.
The Cousin's milkshake would not bring the boys or the girls to the yard, well not unless these were the boys and girls of the local hospital who had come to capture and study him. The whole ghastly affair has left me shattered. I'll be back next week, sometime.
If you're in Belfast enjoy the cultural curfew/parades, depending on your outlook. I'll be tut tutting through the sitting room window at people drinking in the street if anyone needs me.
thankfully, i had finished dinner before you painted this glorious visual feast! you should rent him out as a diet aid…
Rent him out? Terrible idea….I’ll give you 20 bucks a day to take him? no good? 50 then…heh
Was it anything like Ben Stiller’s performance at the end of “Dodgeball” where he too does a little “dance” to milkshake with song accompaniment? I laughed for days at that!!!
this was not funny….not funny at all….this was grim…
eye bleach, sugar! xoxoxo
Hah.
Who doesn’t love milkshakes?
agreed savannah, surprised you didn’t go blind and lay curled in a fetal position
Some of us waiters are working Sunday AND Monday. Spare a thought. It will be grim.
“.………i can teach you…………but i have to charge…………”
My version…is better than yours…
I am your fat hairy uncle. You never used to complain.
I hope you have your 12th Haircut, new outfit, house and car cleaned – Stay away from the bonfires
That’s put me right off my Australian BBQ Kangaroo flavoured crisps
My… God. So TURNED ON right now. Heh.
My milkshake brought your shelf to the yard.
Can I have a strawberry one please ?
Well, that’s put me off milkshakes for life.