When waiters kill…
It’s a well known fact that I can only work with the same people for three maybe four days in a row before losing my mind. I can’t cope with it. I don’t know why this is but after three or four days of seeing the same faces of the same people I begin to get really narky with them. My waiter chums can testify to this. The Princess, who had the dubious pleasure of working with me in the dark days before Waiter Chum Number One became my plate slinging partner, used to drive me to the point of desperation after just two shifts. It’s not healthy and it’s a very good thing I don’t work in an office. You’d see me on the six o’clock news…
“Local fat man holds fellow office workers hostage. Promises to wipe out entire department unless they promise to give him five minutes peace.”
Obviously the most I do is snap a bit and wander off in the middle of one of their stories about ponies or the new maxi dresses from Primark. I mean I shouldn’t know what a maxi dress is. But I do, and I have an opinion on them. I don’t like them. I shouldn’t have an opinion on maxi dresses. Sake.
Still, working in close proximity with people can bring the worst out in you. I salute those plucky people who have to work with the same old faces every day, listening to the same old hooey and baloney everyday. You are better people than me.
You are also better people than…
Jermaine Johnson. He’s the charming fellow who put bleach in his waiters drinks. Chefs eh, you couldn’t like them if you rared them. He claimed he “accidentally got bleach in the drinks while cleaning the waiters’ station.” Yeah, that’s right fella, of course you did. He then ponied up after an bit of pressure from the local dibble. I do love the picture of him though. I’m not sure posing like a catalogue model whilst the rozzers take your mug shot is quite appropriate to be honest. People get on my man boobs for sure, but I would never poison them with bleach. They’d smell it! Duh..!
And then of course there were the two waiters in India who, after an altercation with the restaurant manager, decided to get even. Now we all like to get even with our bosses from time to time, you know a bit of work to rule or not staying on when they need you to, that sort of low level stuff that annoys the b’jesus out of them. But killing the boss is probably taking it a smidgen too far. The two waiters burst into the room where the head chef and restaurant manager where sleeping and set about the two with knives and metal rods. Crikey. Before they made their escape they stole the manager’s mobile phone and some cash. The manager died a few days later but the chef survived and was able to tell the fuzz what happened.
That’s a bit over the top eh, even if the boss did slap them about a bit. My boss doesn’t need to worry though. He has a cack Nokia brick phone and I have an iPhone4 sooooo, he and the head chef can sleep soundly…in separate beds I assume.
So the next time my waiter chums and chums of waiters get miffed me with me being a mardy so and so I shall point them in the direction of these two stories. Better to have a grumpy work colleague than one who has murder on his mind…
22 Comments → “When waiters kill…”
In my previous job which involved the use of explosives, I had a colleague who was desperate to blow my boss up. Had a plan for making it look like an accident and all. I actually might have gone along with him, and in hindsight should have.
hahahahaha….we don’t have any explosives…just big knives, booze and bad pasta….add the three together and you can kill anyone….
Don’t forget the abundance of bleach…I drove past Spotsy the other day, thankfully I am not a fan of Denny’s.
funnily enough we aren’t allowed bleach….very disappointing…we have to clean things the hard way….sake….makes me wanna kill someone…!
Anything on waiters killing customers? I’m scared of googling it in case there’s something like one million results. 1’443’000! Blimey! http://www.wsbtv.com/news/19447180/detail.html
Ah Ms Ward….I did a bit on her last year….we all feel like her sometimes…and then there were the chaps in Paris that went a bit bonkers when somebody tried to steal their tips…
http://welldonefillet.com/2009/01/14/a-stabbing-fork-what-is-it-good-for-eh-stabbing/
Ahh, you’re right, I thought her name was familiar I apologise, just don’t run across the ceiling chucking shurikens (ninja throwing stars) at me.
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Jermaine’s paltry excuse would never have stood up to cross-examination..chef cleaning the waiter station?!? That, m’lord is about as likely as a GM working a Sunday..
ha, yer not wrong….on both counts….
My boss doesn’t need to worry though. He has a cack Nokia brick phone and I have an iPhone4
So you both can’t receive phonecalls without cracking up at the caller, who apparently has no reception, then?
phone calls? pfft, so very 2009….email you later….heh
I’m conjuring up my own Three Stooges-style movie with a kitchen full of waiters slapping each other silly.
I’m back, by the way.
bout time….but yes, the three stooges would be a very accurate description…
Put the custard & Jelly down & we can all walk away, one day we will laugh at this & realise it was only a trifle ( see what I did there? )
hahahahahahaha! love it….that has (angel) delighted me…
I used to make up nicknames or songs for coworkers who annoyed me. My favorite song was “Fuck Ed,” in honor of my boss at the deli I worked at in college. It helped me not to shove his face in the slicer.
nice….really really nice….
So it is wrong to kill one’s boss then? Just need to be clear on this.
define, “wrong”….I think it’s a grey area…
@Native Minnow
Definately. On account of the danger of yourself being promoted to the position.
hehehehe