If I could Memento my job….
If is about a big shark that throws-up people until they open the beach then what I do for a living in reverse is, take money from people to lift their full plates of food away until they leave. I really do prefer that version.
And you? What do you do for a living in reverse?
Have a good weekend.
(Really? This is a proper post? Lazy git, you're taking the piss out of your readership chubbs. It's like when Bobby reappeared in Victoria Princiapl's shower in Dallas, it's lazy - Little Miss Manuel)
harumphh
Apparently, customers bring in a working computer, I then hand them some money and proceed to remove working parts and replace with dodgey or non working ones. I also remove the higher rated version of windows, put spyware/adware/keyloggers/viruses/malware/trojans onto the computer before handing it back to the customer.
You haven’t thought this through, have you?
The first thing you have to do is give them your tip?
No. I didn’t think you had…..
don’t forget having to watch them regurgitate their food……
What the what? What kind of post is this? Just kidding, cute idea. God bless!
I lift phones, listen to people rant, I put the phone down, monotony ensues. That’s it forwards and back. Except backwards I go home and throw up my breakfast, that happens forwards sometimes too.
a mechanic destroys a car by hand over a period of days and brings it to me, the customer comes in and pays an excess/deductible. The customer thanks me and on the way home, stops to give his details to another motorist with a smashed car. Then they both get back inside their cars and hit each other, making them both brand-spanking new, and then go home.
I take things that I have purchased for people away. God even in reverse it’s dull
I take an English document from a client, giving them some money in return. I then read through it changing many correctly spelled words to their incorrect spellings and mess up the formatting a bit. Then I start at the very end of the document and work my way through to the beginning, tranlsating it into French or Spanish. I count the number of words that I have de-tranlsated and contact the client telling them that I have given them this amount of money before sending the document back to the client who now has little or no idea what the document says.
Sometimes I also give people money to mess up their websites, turning them into badly designed, poorly written incarnations of their lovely styled, well-written mulitlingual selves that usually ends up losing the client money.
Yes!
I poison people with snake venom.
(I’d write something funny here but the sinister feeling of that is just fine).
People pay me to take alcoholic drinks away from them.
I negotiate with a contractor who wants to give my client too much money for the job. Having convinced them to give as little as possible & certified that it is a perfectly fine building they start to demolish it.The contractor sells the materials back to a Builder’s providers (receivers?).I field complaints from the client that the job is going too quickly & from the contractor that they are being paid too much.At the end of the job I present the client with a drawing of the former building & the Contractor hands back a perfect Greenfield or brownfield site.
Perfect recycling
Is this data being stored for later use at year zero of the Manuelista revolution?
Work is a four letter word & I don’t think you should be using it in this way, have you no feelings ?
Try using jobbie instead, that is much more acceptable!
Lazy git must be all that walking you’re doing! My job is to take money from people who cant accept they need to pay for their kids who shouldve kept it in their pants in first place and listen to them rant and rave. Ah if i dont have an argument with at least one client each day i don’t feel as if im doing my job!!
You don’t take their money, you start everything off by giving them some of yours!
I take databases and spreadsheets and methodically deconstruct them, thus costing my colleagues an extra few hours a month. Occasionally I test new reporting functions to suggest ways to make them less accurate and eventually remove them completely.
@LMM: Walking? Or wanking?
Oh dear. I thought you were talking about Manuel. Where’s the trash can icon? Dang.
I guess that would mean I dirty the house, dehydrate the garden, and remove the children’s good manners. Coincidentally, the same results occur when my husband is in charge for a few hours…
lazy post or not, this is an awesome thread!
I take perfectly working software and slowly and methodically break bits of it until there is nothing left. I do this by sucking code from the monitor through the keyboard and up into my fingers. Also, throughout the working day, I often vomit tea into a mug, then fish a teabag out of the bin and throw it into the cup, before hurling its contents vertically up into a boiling water dispenser.
Seeing as I don’t have a job right now, my job in reverse would be to earn money for doing nothing, or maybe that I would work for free? Nah, like the first option better.
If I could memento my job, I’d be giving DLA back to the masses, but right now I’m taking it off em, so I will not be Momentoing my job any day soon, bwah hahahaha!!
I’ve just spent a good 10 minutes trying to put what I do in reverse, and I don’t think I can. So I started thinking about other jobs I’ve had over the years, and my favourite so far is putting raspberries back on the bushes.