Poet in Residence…
bampot...
Over the last few weeks you will have noticed comments from Dingus taking the form of rhyming poetry. Now I'm not particularly fond of poetry but then again I'm not adverse to the occasional jocular and short rhyme. Emphasis on the word short. Having to read a thousand words on the fragility of the human condition or about the loveliness of cats makes me want to hurt something. I mean Seamus Heaney is all very good and all that but I have no real idea what he's going on about. State secondary education did not adequately prepare me for the translating, understanding and appreciating of poetry. No, in my school the only poetry to be found was on the walls of the men's rooms and to be honest that mainly involved rhyming words for genitalia with the teachers names. Good times I'm sure you'll agree.
Now, in a rather throw away comment I awarded Dingus the lofty position of Poet in Residence. It was a vague and rather shoddy attempt to classy things up around here. But, oh there's always a but, Lord Chuffy Chuffington, another commenter, hasn't taken this well and has insisted he be considered for the role of poet in residence. Honestly it's like watching two dogs fight over who gets to piss on the lamp post first. I am a fair minded chap so I have decided that there should be a duel, a poetic duel obviously I mean I would love to see them go at it with actual pistols but decommissioning put paid to that idea.
Both Dingus and Chuffy will submit one piece of work that will be judged, not by me, but by you the readers with the winner being crowned Poet in Residence. This is a post that offers no reward other than the title itself. Much like being captain of manchester citeh, or Liverpool, heh.
They will have to compose a piece encapsulating the spirit of Well Done Fillet, it's ethos and attitude.
Haikus are not acceptable as I don't really get them or quite see the point in them and it's my competition so....
God forbid anybody else fancies the largely ceremonial position of Poet in Residence for Well Done Fillet but please feel free to enter. But I will probably discount you entries as it's really about the two chaps. As Poet in Residence the winner will have to pen the occasional verse or two summing up recent events, on the occasion of my birthday and for significant days in any waiter's life - St. Valentines, Mothers Day, Xmas etc.
So, lads, let slip the pens of war and all that.
this is going to be interesting, sugar!
i can already smell the blood in the water… xooxoo
Yay! Food fight! With words instead of mashed potatos. If either of them want my vote? That stuff better rhyme. If they can work in a girl from Nantucket? Bonus…
A literary challenge eh? I look forward to the poems.:-)
I shall show my colours early, Go Chuffy, Go Chuffy, Go Chuffy, Go Chuffy, Go Chuffy, Go Chuffy, Go Chuffy, Go Chuffy,
I’m not a massive fan of poetry, but reading it’s got to be better than having your asshole sewn up.
Splendid!
Is the judge open to bribes? Promises of big-tippers, childless diners and sober chefs?
better be short poems, i really only like limericks..and only rude ones
My Dear Fellow,I will gladly take on this poetic challenge,despite your rather squalid references to the beauty of the poetic word.I,as a rule only pen,rather deep and esoteric material to soothe the mangled and tortured souls of the lumpen proletariat.
But,as I say,if I cannot see off the bally bilge that poses as poetry from the blunt pencil of a rank outsider,like this Dingus fellow,I will be probably be chucked out of the ‘Corduroy Coat Club’.
But,enough of this, I now reveal my offering.Please vote for me,you know it makes sense!
MANUEL WATCHS WHILE HE WAITS
Some Waiters’ fill out their little black books
With orders for drinky-poo’s and other things,
They talk about the weather and things to do.
Hoping the diners tip like foolish Kings.
But,our Manuels strange and dark little book
Takes note of some very odd things,you see,
Putting it all into his rummy little blog
For all the silly asses,like you and me!
Oh I *really* look forward to this one (what with me being a genuine real-life published poet and everything!) Serysly.
So I’ll be keeping a close eye on you two then. No pressure
I have decided to enter this fiasco, but only under protest,Manuel made me the Official poet & now I have to jump through hoops !
Ode to Well done fillet
As I ponder who will be the ones to vote for me,
I scan the list for those who are not half pissed!
First up is Savannah, I think I can rely on her to give me the Havana !
Daisyfae, I wonder if she will go my way, I was’nt going to mention Nantucket but then I thought, why not? why duck it ?
I worry about how best to approach Sparky, I am told he can be quite narky!
Belfast taxi has nailed his colours to the mast,so when I put my hand out he will sail on past!
I will have to go for the hard sell if I want to impress Mel !
I know it can be hard to please Megan, but I aint goin beggin!
Sally,Sally with a name like that you must be nice and pally!
To the one with the nom de plume ”Cat” I hope you dont turn out to be a Rat!
Blod may find my prose a bit of a plod, but if he can be kind, he might give me the nod !
Last but not least we have Manuel,he’s the man we can always tell.
Well done Fillet is his life, while all us assholes give him hell !
Now my poem is coming to an end, will it be the start for me or am I going round the bend?
My fate is for you to give, but just remember,I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!
omg its a TIE~
i’m chuffy for you dingus
Cheers Cat ! Knew I could count on you, may you enjoy your nine lives!
Dingus i must admit i do like the traditional ulster ending to your offering!
Hi Belfast TaxiDriver, Thank you for the comment, long may your meter run!
Hi Belfast TaxiDriver, thank you for the comment,long may your meter run!
Gonna have to throw my lot in with Dingus.
Cheers Stephan ! You are a scholar & a gentleman!
This poetry stuff to easy for a heavy weight like me!!
There was an old waiter called Manuel
who’s job was the next thing to hell.
Then one night
he decided to write
this blog we all know so well.
easy peasy!!
Dawson for Dindus
Cheers Dawson Wam, appreciate it !
M’eh,
I think Manuel’s going to have to make you lot jump through more hoops.
I believe he takes Paypal, if he doesn’t have an account then I will gladly make mine available for holding donations . . . . . purely to help Manuel choose you understand. *cough*
FWIW I’m voting Chuffy Dingus.
Hi Mark, I always knew your bite was worse than your bark!
Rarely,have I been filled with such waves,nay,tidal waves of nausea,as the so-called piece of ‘poetry’ as presented by that toadying rotter Dingus!
Who has,plundered his way through most of the blogs contributors and personally gave them all mouth-to-ass resuscitation.Never I have seen such a blatant swathe of brown-nosing for votes on an almost Biblical scale.
The whole things leaves me feeling soiled and dirty.
Yours in disgust,’Chuffy’.
Me thinks Chuffy is feeling the heat !because he knows he is getting beat!
One vote for Dingus here.
Thank you Sparky, what a great milarkey!
dingus, dingus, you’re the man,
you’ve got my vote in the can.
a smoke is yours come winners day,
havanas from savannah’s own hu-mi-dor-lay.
(sweet mary sunshine, how do y’all do it?)
(ok, now remember i’m american, so no offense was meant by the use of the word can.)
xoxoxox
i did say i was ” chuffy ” for dingus…its a tie, you are both too sweet to chose from
I warned you this would happen.
Hi Savannah, Thank you for the vote, by the way, your poem rocked my boat !
Um, has the competition actually started?
Chuffy FTW much more talented.
Dingus has played to the baying mob and will of course be chosen.
Poet post on Thursday probably….there will the two entries and a poll….
Oooh goody x factor stylee.
Wait are we talking two new entries and then the poll?
Does the poll have a beetroot theme? mwahahahaha
no beetroot….!!
no more entires….just a straight slug off between to the two lads…
More dammed hoops ?……. I think I will change my name to Pavlov !
nobody said the path to greatness would be easy…
Some people are born to greatness, others, have greatness thrust upon them !!!!
Bring it on !
Classic. I really can’t choose between them at the moment. Let them face-off, it’s a dogrel-eat-dogrel world out there after all…
Blod.
I was going to vote for Chuffy but that would be redundant at this point.
On a side note, why do both poets have such a disturbingly erratic relationship with the space bar?
T hats not true !