We are not here to serenade you…
Birthday's eh. No matter age you are don't we all just love getting a little gift and maybe a cake and is there anything nicer than your friends and family gathering round you to sing 'Happy Birthday'? I'm sure the chap that was taken out for lunch last week by his work colleagues thought much the same. They had even brought a little cake, resplendent as it was with five little candles to mark each successfully managed decade of life that he had managed to cling to. Good times.
Now, as is customary, the waiter working the tables brings out the cake, starts the first few opening bars of the aforementioned, 'Happy Birthday' song and the friends, family and others of the celebrating guest all join in thus allowing the waiter to stand back and smile and assist in the taking of photos if required. It's a tremendous way to make money, especially if the cake to waiter transfer has been handled correctly. When it comes to the sneaky delivery of celebration cakes the more like a drug deal it is, the better. Don't get me wrong I am still gobsmacked when people react with such genuine surprise when they are presented with their birthday cake.
Cake?
On my birthday?
I just cant believe it!!!
Anyhoo, this was Waiter Chum the Younger's table and after the table had been cleaned and tidied she prepared the cake, lit the candles and strode confidently to the table. She filled her lungs and sang, "Happy birthday to you.."
Now when you do this you cant stop singing straight away, you have to give the drunk, the infirm and the stupid and moment to realise what's going on but normally people catch on pretty quick and join right in.
Well normally they do.
To WCtY's horror nobody joined in. The titamaboobs. She was left standing singing happy birthday to a fifty year old man that she had known, if you can call it that, for less than two hours. Obviously when she got to the, "happy birthday dear [insert name here].." bit she was a bit stumped so she did what we normally do when we don't know the dude's name and just blanked it out. It was like she had just called him a cunt on pre watershed TV. There was just 2 seconds of dead air and awkwardness.
And when she had finished the table applauded. Which made things worse apparently.
Muppets.
I felt her pain, well I did once I stopped laughing. This has happened to me. I'm sure I mentioned it before. On that occasion I was left to sing Happy Birthday to a sixty year old man on my own whilst he went red with embarrassment and his family laughed their collective legs off. Bastards.
So for future reference if the waiter starts singing please do join in especially if the waiter is me. I have the singing voice of a Wookiee with an otter living in his throat.That's not how you want to remember your birthday is it?
Think on...
A 6 year old man? That must have been terrible.
no idea what yer on about…ahmen cough cough thank you….
Well if the people at the table want to behave like kids and not join in when there meant to i would behave like a kid as well’
If they dont join in before the end of the first line go with the childish version.
Happy Birthday to You
You live in a zoo
You look like a monkey
And you smell like one too.
mind you your tip would be down the drain atferwards
it’s a good version….not tip friendly all the same…
make a group of waiter chums always go to the table and sing. sugar1 share the embarrassment wealth, so to speak. *snickering* xoxoxoxo
we normally do….she was on her own though….no escape…
I feel for WCtY, to have nobody joining in. It must’ve felt like “Oh fuckity, I’m at the wrong table.”
bwahahahaha!
Why not get in the habit of inserting a quick …”boy, I hope the tip’s good…” where the name would normally go?
I’ll try that….you can compensate all losses…
Bahahaha! What kind of gobshites are they though, not to realise they’re supposed to sing? It’s *their* friend, like…?!
I KNOW! What the what eh?!
That 60 year old mans family were probably waiting for the other member of Jedward to join in!
you’re sailing close to the wind fella…
If the waiter started singing Happy Birthday I would be too busy dispatching the guilty parties to join in…sorry. Morto!
too cool for happy birthday are we?
Hardly
hahahaha…
Oh God I would have died! I’m scundered for her!
which is indeed the correct reaction….not ten minutes of laughter…
The Larry David awkwardness of this scenario amuses me, though by the time Larry had finsihed, things would be much, much worse.
yes, yes very good wee man…
I am very much against singing for anyone above the age of ten or under the age of 90.
bwahahahaha…..velly good…
>> It was like she had just called him a cunt on pre watershed TV.
Banjax. This made me snort coffee down my nose and now everyone in my office knows I’m not doing a spreadsheet at all.
Was at a restaurant in Turkey on my dad’s birthday years ago. The waiters there (ALL of them) came running out at a pre-arranged signal, dancing and shouting and popping balloons, complete with a cake (complimentary). Which they then distributed to everyone in the restaurant, thereby wiping out their dessert orders for the night.
The frightening thing was that they really, really looked like they were enjoying it. But yeah, we tipped them big time. Oh, and my dad loved it…
see, that’s the way to do it….sort of…
I have a few alternative ideas,in lieu of singing,how about whipping out the old spoons and slap out ‘Happy Birthay’ on the old thigh (yours,not the customers)!Everbody limps away happy!Or,what about a rendition with a a Vuvenzuela (I’m sure I spelt that wrong,but you know what I mean).
Back to the old spoons on the thigh,I’m sure you are well used to having shiny utensils thwacked on the old fleshy parts,I know what goes on in those kitchens!
spoons? this isn’t the grim up north of Lancashire or something…this is cosmopolitan Belfast…..ha..