Blog
Comeuppance – not on the menu but served every night…
Is there anything more enjoyable than watching certain people getting their comeuppance? Having clicked her fingers, cast more dirty looks than a 16-year-old girl being told off by her mum for wearing too much makeup and generally been as rude to the staff as an 18th century land owner with a penchant for striking those [...]
Flar?
I love Belfast. I love the people of Belfast. But bugger me with a big yellow crane our accent is tarrible so it is... "I fawncy a wee chicken so a do..", says the lovely woman to her lovely friend and work colleague. They were clearly office workers, probably civil servants, probably advisers of some [...]
BOOM BOOM BOOM went the old man spit…
I had to walk to the shop on Monday morning...in the rain. But I won't go on about it like some fucking marathon running endorphin junkie. I went to the shop, in the rain, I came home, I ate pies. I'm no hero, I'm just an ordinary man. I'm a chuffing hero at work though. I [...]
DIRTY DIRTY PEOPLE
One thing that really, and I mean really-really, annoys me is having to pick up customers used toothpicks. IT'S BEEN IN YOUR MOUTH GOD DAMN IT AND YOU'VE LEFT IT STREWN ON THE TABLE BETWEEN THE GLASSES AND USED NAPKINS FOR ME WITH MY PRECIOUS FINGERS TO PICK UP. YOU DIRTY DIRTY BASTARD. Like I [...]
This Must Be The Place…
This is beautiful...(watch it on full screen) This short was produced and directed by Ben Wu and David Usui of Lost & Found films and it is beautiful insight into the lives of working waiters and how they view their restaurant as home. It appears that I live in an abusive care facility by comparison, [...]
Strong Legs…
I was reminded of this short video the other day thanks to a tweet by the living legend that is Fred Sirieix when he said, "The un-smart/sleepy waiter needs to have strong legs to walk back to those tables/places where he forgot to do/bring something" a waitress who makes a terrible mistake. Dir.Writer - W. [...]
The people next door need to stay next door…
I have new neighbours. Ugh. This fills me full of fear. I fear for my sleeping routine but mainly I fear for my, "Quiet guy, kept himself to himself" lone nutter way of life. What if they want to talk to me and be my friend? Oh god, the very thought has me reaching for [...]
She said yes…
Another weekend done. Another weekend closer to the big waiter station in the sky. Using the popular vernacular of the day it was all a bit meh. Saturday, whilst fully booked, lacked the push and pressure I enjoy/need. In order to get my pressure fix I stayed in bed until the very last-minute on Sunday [...]
Huffing? We invented that…
Kids eh. Seriously kids these days, they are very fucking annoying with their haircuts and mustard coloured trousers and skateboards and energy, oooh I hate their energy. I particularly hate the way they hide their boundless energy under a veneer of disinterest and cynicism. But mostly I hate the ones who have money to go [...]
Restaurant Advert Makes Normal People Kill Themselves…
Watch this...just...just watch this... Fucking wow! I was sure, so utterly convinced, that this was a sketch from a comedy show I kept wondering when the punchline would come. But it's not a spoof. It's a real thing for a real restaurant with real people. Well as real as fake human beings can be. Sickening [...]
My road to Damascus moment
Today was the dullest day I've endured in years. I was off work. I was free and easy. The world, or the bit of it within a ten buck taxi fare, was at my fingertips but yet I did nothing. I spoke to no one save for a few grunted words with The Cousin re [...]
Ho ho ho…
Saturday night and it was all hands to the deck what with a reservation sheet busting at the seams with bookings. One has to take a deep breath when faced with night's like these. But then again these are the nights you love the most - the pressure, the adrenaline, the sweating like a chef [...]
Well-played kids, well-played…
For every action there is a reaction. For example when The Cousin told me he was going out for a walk I fell off my chair. Action, reaction. Obviously what he meant to say was that he was going out for a walk to the shop to get chocolate and not because he was going [...]
Aces…
The worst thing about taking time off is the revenge schedule you get when you go back to work. I was off work for five days and for that I was stiffed with seven in a row including more splits than a ballet class and more doubles than United. So there was no question about [...]
Things that make me go ‘heh’…
You know that moment when you're sitting in a restaurant and you are starving, like eat a lamb-of-god hungry, and all you can think about is the delicious 16oz steak with triple cooked fries and assorted sundries and what have you that you think you ordered an hour ago but was only actually like 10 [...]
The Curmudgeonly-Straightbacks, People from New Jersey & Revenge…
I'm still not ready to talk about it...the weekend, that weekend. Like I said in dispatches on Saturday, before I slumped on my bed in a heap and cried myself to sleep (again), it will take a psychiatrist with a doll and a soothing voice to get over it, the humping that I got. Of course [...]
