Manuel the Waiter
Huffing? We invented that…
Kids eh. Seriously kids these days, they are very fucking annoying with their haircuts and mustard coloured trousers and skateboards and energy, oooh I hate their energy. I particularly hate the way they hide their boundless energy under a veneer of disinterest and cynicism. But mostly I hate the ones who have money to go [...]
Restaurant Advert Makes Normal People Kill Themselves…
Watch this...just...just watch this... Fucking wow! I was sure, so utterly convinced, that this was a sketch from a comedy show I kept wondering when the punchline would come. But it's not a spoof. It's a real thing for a real restaurant with real people. Well as real as fake human beings can be. Sickening [...]
My road to Damascus moment
Today was the dullest day I've endured in years. I was off work. I was free and easy. The world, or the bit of it within a ten buck taxi fare, was at my fingertips but yet I did nothing. I spoke to no one save for a few grunted words with The Cousin re [...]
Ho ho ho…
Saturday night and it was all hands to the deck what with a reservation sheet busting at the seams with bookings. One has to take a deep breath when faced with night's like these. But then again these are the nights you love the most - the pressure, the adrenaline, the sweating like a chef [...]
Well-played kids, well-played…
For every action there is a reaction. For example when The Cousin told me he was going out for a walk I fell off my chair. Action, reaction. Obviously what he meant to say was that he was going out for a walk to the shop to get chocolate and not because he was going [...]
Aces…
The worst thing about taking time off is the revenge schedule you get when you go back to work. I was off work for five days and for that I was stiffed with seven in a row including more splits than a ballet class and more doubles than United. So there was no question about [...]
Things that make me go ‘heh’…
You know that moment when you're sitting in a restaurant and you are starving, like eat a lamb-of-god hungry, and all you can think about is the delicious 16oz steak with triple cooked fries and assorted sundries and what have you that you think you ordered an hour ago but was only actually like 10 [...]
The Curmudgeonly-Straightbacks, People from New Jersey & Revenge…
I'm still not ready to talk about it...the weekend, that weekend. Like I said in dispatches on Saturday, before I slumped on my bed in a heap and cried myself to sleep (again), it will take a psychiatrist with a doll and a soothing voice to get over it, the humping that I got. Of course [...]
Oh My! **points at beverage and laughs**
Three men arrived in the restaurant one evening last week. They were unremarkable men - average height, average build, average clothes, averages faces, average manners, ghastly shoes (grown men in suits shouldn't be wearing Kickers). You get the point though, they were just, you know, men. They were chit-chatting as I lead them to their [...]
Ah the Spirit of Easter…
The phone was ringing... I answered it, such is the convention. I'd rather have thrown my shoes at it but, you know, work and all that. "Awrigh...Youseuns open on Sunday like?" "Ah yes sir we are indeed" "Easter Sunday like?" "Yes...yes sir we are open this Sunday, Easter Sunday" "What ya doin?" I was so [...]
