Lazy day off post…

I really haven't got the chutzpah to write anything tonight having spent two hours shouting at the television. I am spent. Instead let me offer you other peoples work...

On the night The San Pellegrino Top Fifty Restaurants were announced (Noma is number one again. Did I ever mention that I've eaten there? Heh) this gem of a review fell into my digital lap. It is full of absolutely wonderful lines such as...

“The chef here is world-class. He’s amazing,” purrs our waiter as he brings a bottle of house white (thin and tasteless. Like Victoria Beckham’s anorexic pret-a-porter collection. It was both ‘free’ and ‘overpriced’ at the same time.)

and

It takes some chutzpah for an Italian restaurant to spectacularly fuck up a pizza. But fair play to Prego, they managed it with style.

and

My starter of mixed antipasto featured a lacklustre selection of sweaty cuts of fatty pig, an apology of olives and some of those pickled, serrated veg you usually only find layered in fancy display bottles in John Lewis gifts

I implore you to read The Worst Restaurant in Liverpool by David Lloyd in its entirety. It is a masterpiece of critical vengeance. Hat tip to Paddy for the link. And whilst we are on that note Jay Rayner has an e-book out in June of reviews of lousy restaurants. By gum you wouldn't want to see your name in that.

And finally I have this for your delectation and amusement. The following photograph is of a napkin doodle drawn by a 50+ year old man out for lunch with some work colleagues some of who were attractive young women. I offer it you without commentary.