Now that’s service…creepy service.
Saturday night was madness. I may have mentioned this already. I had stopped in the middle of the madness to collect my thoughts, mentally check where each table was at (I don't mean where each table physically was but rather what they were up to. That said one table did decide to rearrange their setup. This didn't go down well and they were both frowned at and chastised. You can convey a lot with one raised eyebrow) I wasn't that far gone and I needed to stand still for just one brief moment. For some reason I did this outside the toilets.
Obviously, I mean where else would one stop to catch their breath?!
As I stood there, wondering if I was half way to a heart attack or if it was just the bowl of pepper chips I had thrown into me earlier with the carefree abandonment of a man of a much younger and much more able constitution coming back to haunt me, the nice lady from table 20 walked towards me. I thought she wanted something from me so I straightened myself up from my relaxing slump and fixed my, "how can I help you" face on. I must have looked like a grinning asshole/pervert because she replied with a quite puzzled looked just before sidestepping me and heading on into the bathrooms.
Meh.
Anyhoo I collated my thoughts for another couple of minutes and moved on only to run into the same woman again a few minutes later. I'm convinced she thought I was stalking her and what followed next probably only convinced her that I was more sex pest than waiter.
As she walked towards me again, clutching her handbag as ladies tend to do when returning or indeed going to the bathroom, I smiled and asked her if she need anything.
"No I'm fine, I was just at the bathroom"
Which is an answer that requires no further reply or query.
Except I did. I pushed further. I queried that which requires no querying.
"And was everything ok?", I asked of the polite middle aged lady who stared back at me in horror.
"Yes...eh...thank you"
Her table abandoned their sweet menus and left five minutes later.
Nobody but nobody, well maybe the parents of small children, asks somebody, especially strangers, how they got on in the toilet. Jesus H Christ, what was I thinking?! I went red, told nobody and spent five minutes in a darkened store room wondering what the hell was wrong with me. Was I so eager to please people and make sure that they were all having a swell and lovely time that I was prepared to check the quality of their, ahem, pooing whilst dining with us?
It seems I am.
I wouldn't mind but this is not the first time this has happened.
I need help...
sugar, you need to try finding another place to collect your thoughts! xxxooo
i really really do…
“And was everything ok?”
“Yeah, but I’d give about half an hour just to safe.”
“Yeah, but I’d give IT about half an hour just to BE safe. Sheesh I’ve missing words all day.
Sheesh I’ve BEEN missing words all day, sake
hahahahahahaha sparky….all this made me laugh so…
one must think creatively – how can this technique be used to rid yourself of unwanted guests? (and no, i’m not talking about The Cousin)
yes….yes somebody else suggested this earlier….But would I want a reputation as the sort of chap that hangs around outside the toilet? hmmmm
HAHAHA! This cracked me up.
you should have been there….heh
Oh man. heeeeheeeheeehee.
At least you didn’t ask her if everything came out OK?
thank heavens for small mercies…!
It could have been worse if you’d offered her hand sanitizer.
arf…!
I wish I could have seen the look on her face! I bet it was priceless!! Enjoyed the post!! Thanks!
horror meets confusion meets creeped out….
W C Fields would have appreciated that story! ( see what I did there? )
boom boom Dingus boom boom…
Ah ha ha ha ha ha! Amazing! Oh God I’ve had so many awkward moments like that during my working years….I panic or just stop paying attention and then BAM: word vomit.
during your working years? what? are you a lotto winner? heh
It could be much worse: I was in Laos a couple of years ago, standing at the urinals, peeing, when one of the restaurant staff who had been sitting outside the bathrooms suddenly grabbed me from behind. I thought I was being assaulted – but how do you react in a situation like that, mid-stream so to speak? I needn’t have worried because he was just giving me a back and shoulders massage, a service that is part of his job and not that uncommon in Laos! (I had heard about it before, but never experienced it.)
oooooh no no no do not wants….!
Good God – I imagine it put you off your aim somewhat. Pity the bloke next to you.
that made me laugh…sorry for your embarassment but ohhh manuel…ha ha ha ha
yes, well quite….!