• look I am not your son

    Look, you are not my father…

    Sunday afternoon...again. It's always Sunday afternoons. I seated a chap and his delightful young lady friend. They weren't so much as pitching woo but rather hurling barbed comments and pointed insults. There was the occasional break in hostilities and not always when I was at the table. "Yer a fuckin dick wee lad..." [inaudible reply] [...]

  • well done jobs

    Well Done Careers…

    I would suggest positions like these don't come up very often - the opportunity to work with one of the founding fathers of modern cuisine, Paul Rankin, in one of the city's most celebrated restaurants, Cayenne. You'd be as daft as a horse in a swimsuit not to seriously consider this position. If you are [...]

  • stabbing fork

    When waiters attack…

    From CourtNewsUk... Heh, the moral of the story being don't come between a waiter and his/your leftovers and his best pal. Clearly the judge thought so too. I think this gives me licence to threaten if not actually stab*. Should have used a fork though, much classier. * Overreacting idiots get-out clause (there have been a [...]

  • old men's mouths

    We have reached the critical point of no return…

    As I stood in the rain on Sunday morning talking to a grown man in a Marvel Comics hoody, ill-fitting red trousers and food on his face waiting for a sleepy headed manager to arrive and let us in I began to wonder that somewhere, somehow my life had deviated somewhat from the carefully laid [...]

  • rt

    Retail Therapy #5

    Another one from our friendly ex-post office staff member... Young woman comes in: do you have a form for when you have to change your provisional driving license to a full one? me: [hands her a form] her: so do I have to fill it in? me: [dies after face palm] *yeah- really* From a [...]

  • explosions in the sky belfast

    Oh really? Are you? How Nice…

    Ah concerts are great aren't they? From the excitement of finding out your favourite band are playing in a venue near you to going through the unrelenting ball ache of trying to book tickets before every other Tom, Dick and snidey tout gets their hands on them it really is a whirlwind of excitement. Once [...]

  • Il Pirata

    Il Pirata – Review

    So Il Pirata then. My nearly forty years shuffling about on this mortal coil, 22 of them spent in the service of the demanding and hungry, have left me a cynical, jaded husk of human being. I find myself more at home to misanthropic outlooks than rainbows and love nothing more than wallowing in a [...]

  • ccr1

    Call me…#1

    So I asked for the stories of the Call Centre workers and they duly delivered...after putting me on hold for twenty minutes and asking me for my details five times. Heh, only joking. Being based in Belfast doesn't help... I was once a directory enquiries operator for a mobile phone company. Time was of the [...]

  • human blinkers

    The less you know and see the better…

    I've never understood people who watch behind-the-scenes extras on DVDs or worse, actually seek out the special five disc DVD with director's commentary and all that. What's the point in that? Surely it just ruins the magic eh? I made the mistake of watching the behind-the-scenes on the Matrix DVD. I mean all I see [...]

  • rt

    Retail Therapy #4

    Today's Retail Therapy Submission comes from the ever delightful "Cashier  #9". She or he has more dark tales than the Brothers Grimm. Seriously, I'm scared of my inbox now. Lifetime Warranty A colleague of mine was serving an old gentleman, trying to find him an appropriate picture capturing device.  The gent was harping on for [...]

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Just who is Manuel T. Waiter?

Whilst Manuel T. Waiter may be more bonbon than bon vivant it would still be true to say he has an enormous passion for all things epicurean. His enormous passion is matched only by his enormous gut. As author of the moderately popular, Well Done Fillet v.1, Manuel exposed the psychotic tendencies of chefs, the petty [...]

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Baby Needs Boots

And by baby I mean me and by boots I mean stuff and things. Introducing the Well Done Fillet Shop! Hats, mugs, t-shirts, coasters, iPhone cover (ooooh), bags for the carrying of stuff, badges, aprons and more all branded with the WDF log and "Cunty" quote. Buy stuff from the shop, it's like tipping. You [...]