Not sure which fork to use with which course? Scared of angering the lovely waiter with silly questions about beetroot? Not sure what to do when the pork tastes like a wrestlers jock strap? Like wine? Like coke? Not sure if you can ask for a pint glass of wine mixed with coke? Worried that [...]

A study by a Cornell University professor, so it must be true (ha!) has found that waiting staff with “bigger breasts, slender waists and blond hair” make better tips than those not blessed with such attributes. Prof. Michael Lynn asked 374 waitresses to evaluate their physical characteristics, including breast size, and even asked them if [...]

There are two types of people – fine upstanding individuals with taste and style who appreciate the magnificence of the coconut finger and then there are those “people” who like beetroot. I need to know how many of the Well Done Fillet readership prefer the ghastly beetroot over the sweet sticky loveliness of a coconut [...]

Three day weekends eh. Good times, for most. For waiters and chums of waiters it’s just an extra day at the coal face with giddy people being extra giddy about not having to go to work on a Monday. Not that I am bitter, much. My waiter chums were lambasting me for my miserable bank [...]

rock stars…pfft I am meeting a chum for lunch on Wednesday. He is one of my oldest chums and a jolly good one at that. Like most of my chums, mates, acquaintances and the other souls that drift both in and out of my life he is a sometime rock star. My chums don’t live [...]

I did an interview for a local magazine on Tuesday. The local press have managed to ignore Well Done Fillet for years now despite their counterparts from The Guardian, Irish Times, Sunday Times and the fail on sunday to name but a few all having featured my rants at some stage. But then again I [...]

If this story from The Times is true then I hope that all the Morgan’s meals out end up with them scraping food from their laps and wearing the soup. This is as hideous as it gets… British family ‘asked not to be served by hotel’s black waiters’ A family of British holidaymakers were accused [...]

Sometime chum and full time troubadour, Robyn G Shiels is releasing his new ep, The Great Depression, for the spiffingly wonderful advance purchase price of £3.00 for the CD. You should buy this and not just because it’s wonderful music that will bring a warm, self satisfied glow to your face (it really is like [...]

We had a magician at work the other night, that’s right an actual bunny producing, coin pulling, card guessing man in a bad suit magician. Well you can just imagine my reaction. Man, magicians are the lamest cabaret performers of the lot. God I’d rather watch plate spinners than have to endure a magician. Actually [...]