Well Done Fillet

Lady and a Tramp…

I'M ALIVE! Which is nice. So it seems that it takes more than a bit of tummy rumble to kill me, nice try world, nice try. Last week was fun - fun like trapping your hand in the door and have a fat man pin it in there until it fell off, finger by finger. [...]

How to confuse and anger your waiter…

There are many many ways to perplex and confuse a waiter. We waiters live in a perfect world (of our own creation) and the slightest thing out-of-place or order can throw us off-balance. Customers switching seats after they have ordered is one. We have plotted where you are sitting or rather where the sea bass [...]

Ask Manuel – Noisy Neighbours…

A reader, Victoria, writes, So you go for a lovely meal and the people on the table next to you are complete asshat gobshites. Do you, the diner, a) keep shtum and stew on it, b) tell them to shut up or c) expect the waiter to sort it? I shall Ask Manuel! Teh Grauniad [...]

Dumb, Dumber and Rapey.

The film Titanic was released in 1997. It made $1,843,201,268 at the box office taking $8,658,814 on its opening day. It was the number one movie in the US and Canada for a record beating 15 weeks, which is a record it still holds. It won four Golden Globes and was nominated for 14 Academy [...]

The Great, The Awesome and the very Fucking Stooopid

Oh my, what a weekend. Dinner and cocktails at The Merchant and Tedford's and a fabulous lunch on Sunday at Cayenne (review to follow later in the week). I'm buggered now to be honest, as full as a shuck. Good times. Belfast has some tremendous restaurants with affable, friendly, personable and downright great staff and [...]

Floss off…

Leaving a used toothpick on the table for me to have to pick up with my clean and lovely hands, the clean and lovely hands I use to eat sandwiches and caress Little Miss Manuel with, is a heinous thing to do and it depresses me as much as it annoys me. Until today I [...]

If it’s not nailed down…

I happened to mention in comments on Monday's post that iPads in restaurants is a terrible idea due to the fact that they would get nicked. Now whilst talking about this with some folks later they expressed their incredulity that people would steal from restaurants. I in turn nearly smacked them in their pretty but [...]

Keep THAT in yer sock

Have you ever seen that show Embarrassing Bodies? You know the show that features people who are either too stupid, too embarrassed and quite possibly lacking any sort of self-respect to go the doctor with their diseased holes, filthy stumps, broken wee wees, bunged up woo woos and growths in the disgusting form of Adam [...]

Billy-No-Mates has no mates.

They say everyday is a learning experience, I'm not so sure. I mean the only thing I learned on Sunday was that some Australians are really rude, "Your country has no history - It's all just bombs and terrorists" and some are really lovely, "Oh my god mate, I can't bloody believe that woman. You [...]

Blessed are the waiters for they shall inherit all the pens…

Good grief the busy weekends just keep on coming. I'm not complaining, I'm just a wee bit bloody shattered. Oh how I dream of matching six numbers and running away to live on an island surrounded by willing lackeys, yes men and grateful village folk who live a quiet life under my patronage. It's nice [...]