Well Done Fillet

What we have here is a difference of opinion in which I am right and you are wrong…

The phone rings. It's a man. He is a sorely disappointed man as he is unable to secure a table for later on that day. "Listen, you have to get me a table...you HAVE to get me one." "Sir if I could I would but I don't have any free so I can't." "Seriously? Are [...]

Doing a Clarkson…

God damn politicians. Man they get on my ass. And head. The wise old men, ha, at the Northern Ireland Assembly have passed the second stage of a bill that would make it law for cyclist to wear helmets at all times. Well, I say all times but I'm sure it is just when you [...]

Here Missus, do you want gravy wi that?

I'm an old school sort of chap when it comes to the waiting of tables. I serve from the left and clear from the right. I present the wine before opening it and always serve the host last. I talk about the guests behind their backs and I make snooty remarks about their food/drink combinations. [...]

Oh Mammy!

What an odd weekend. Friday was a bust due to the world and it's wife and most of their friends and all of their family and the guy who does their lawn sitting in and watching bloody Eastenders. Seriously people, how am I ever going to have enough money for my own island/chain of Morrissey [...]