What The Fudge are Curly Fries?

Manuel — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 00:00:23 +0000

Had a chap arrive last evening for dinner. He seemed a nice fellow - rotund like myself but with a dodgy little beard that made me think he was hiding something, something small but deviant all the same. Maybe he was the sort of chap who enjoys a night spent parading about in his mothers undergarments or maybe he takes pleasure in donning a wizards hat and changes his named to Master Jojo and does battle with other like minded, and no doubt lonely/bearded, chaps online. Or maybe he just fancied growing a silly little beard. My mind can wander on the short journey from door to table. I presented the menu and I mean presented in the style of a diplomat handing some leather bound agreement to his President for signing in front of the world's media. I can be very poncey.

I secured a beverage order and flounced my way back to the bar, high fiving Waiter Chum the Smaller on the way. Sometimes I think we high five too much, it is a restaurant after all and not a basketball court. I promptly returned to the chap's table a moment later with his pint of cola. He was disappointed to discover we didn't do strawberry milkshakes, a request that I took at face value and didn't laugh at all about.

But his disappointment was only about to get worse. He closed his menu after what looked like some good studying of it's many tasty offerings.

"Are we ready to order then sir?"

"Oh yes please, I'm super hungry!"

'Super hungry? Deviant', thought I as I prepared to add pen to paper.

"I'll have....", he pondered like a contestant on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?' deciding whether or not the winner of the 1974 Kentucky Derby was Cannonade or Ronald Reagan. "I'll have...I'll have the burger!", announced the beardy man and quickly followed it up with a side order of curly fries and potato dippers, what ever the hell they are!

Meh.

"Burger? Curly fries? Sir we don't do burgers and curly fries. Maybe you should read the menu....again". I added the again so as not to seem too rude. But I was very close to not caring. He did read the menu. He asked questions about this and that and the lamb and then asked if we had pies or, wait for it, nachos. Nachos? The fuck is that all about? This went on for another minute or two until he called it quits, paid for his cola and asked for directions to the nearest KF fucking C. Sake.

His parting words?, "Sorry, it's just not the sort of place I thought it would be"

Clearly he was looking for a diner. We are not a diner. We in no way resemble a diner. How could he think we are a diner/burger bar? Do diners now come with velvet curtains and overly snooty waiters with a terrible terrible sense of superiority? Hmmm, do they? I think not.

Curly fries?

Pfft...what next?

Well Done Fillet » the perversion of beards and beard wearers

What The Fudge are Curly Fries?