Are you tired of all that money?

Excessive amounts of cash tips getting you down?

Want it to stop?

Well help is at hand! With this simple, easy to apply, solution you can cut those pesky irritating tips in half....or more! Don't delay apply this simple solution now and enjoy a cash free existence from here on in...

True story, I managed to turn a well deserved £10 tip into £1.38 within seconds.

I had been enjoying serving a perky table of two. They were in top form, I was in top form, the chefs were relatively sober so all was going well. We had chatted through the course of the evening about this and that and music and movies and all that sort of bumf. They asked for the bill, which I duly delivered to them on a teeny silver platter. The Mr had his wallet out whilst the Mrs had a wonderful ten pound note in her hand. She was itching to give it to me. We chatted about their plans for the rest of the evening as the card machine whirred and bleeped,

"So, what you guys at for the rest of the night? Got plans?"

"Yeah we are heading to the cinema", replied the Mr

"Oh yeah? What ya gonna see?"

"Wolfman", replied the Mrs with a faux nervous look on her face

"Wolfman? Nice, looks great", I obviously have no idea if it's good or not but I have learned over the years that punters really don't love it when you ridicule their choice of movie so it's just best to play it safe and stick only to non-committal platitudes. Unless it's yet another from the Adam Sandler conveyor belt of shit. Obviously.

"Have you see it?", asks the Mr

"No but I heard some reviews...." and then I added the killer line, the line that cost me £8.62 in tippage "...it's a true story though", and with that I handed the Mr back his card. He laughed at my cheeky comment but the Mrs, the Mrs didn't laugh. No she replied with,

"Really? Is it? Is it really a true story?" She was genuinely startled by this news. Oh dear. I looked at the Mr who looked back at me and then shook his head at the Mrs.

I wandered away chuckling to myself feeling like a champion. Moments later whilst clearing a nearby table I could hear them, they weren't exactly arguing but gone was the friendly and lovely banter from earlier. The last thing I heard was, "Gary, he's not efing getting it....he can have this..." and I heard the dull thud of coins being slammed on the table. Obviously being a total wimp I stayed out of sight until they had left. I wandered over to their table to find, not the crisp and lovely £10 note of success but rather the brown coins of failure.

So the moral of the story is, if you want to to cut you tip in half or more then just belittle and make your guest, particularly the one paying the tip, feel small and stupid. Works like a treat, true story...

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