If Jaws backwards is about a big shark that throws-up people until they open the beach then what I do for a living in reverse is, take money from people to lift their full plates of food away until they leave. I really do prefer that version. And you? What do you do for a [...]

So Monday then. I went to work on Monday feeling more than bit chipper with myself. My bathroom scales finally had some good news to report, there was a drop. A modest drop it has to be said but a drop nonetheless. My new eat less, walk more regime is still in it’s infancy but [...]

Ahoy hoy readers! (Someone sent me an email the other day which began with that greeting, I’ve used it about 500 times since then. Nautical greetings are quite delightful I find. Somalian pirates aside) So Friday night was a queer one at the good ship Jolly Restaurant. All the waiter mateys and chums of waiter [...]

So the dream of responsible beard ownership and management is over. Like so many of my dreams it lies swept into a corner of the bathroom being splashed on by The Cousin’s misdirected urinal discharges. It’s where all my dreams end. The reasons for the swift removal of the beard were threefold. I had an [...]

If the beard doesn’t wow the kids over, not that I care about wowing the kids or anybody else, I have decided that this will be my new look. I need a new look. Crisis? Me? No, just a bit bored, need to jazz things up a little. Maybe I could get something pierced. I [...]

Hey there sports fans! I’m still on my holidays, if you can call sitting about in your boxers eating pie after pie after pie whilst listening to the complete works of everything by The Cure, The Smiths, Al Green and Public Enemy a holiday that is. Let me tell you folks I do, I really [...]

I was just about to go to bed when I happened to catch sight of The Cousin doing his bedtime routine. This mainly involves muttering, flushing the crumbs and crusty “things” from his bed and preparing a new late night snack. The Cousin’s late snacks can involve anything from small steaks to sausage rolls with [...]

As a somewhat chunky chap you will not be surprised to hear that there are few foods I do not do, beetroot not withstanding. But the food I hate the most is humble pie, especially when it is served by the chefs with undue gusto and amusement. But I had no choice but to swallow [...]

Having swooned, fawned, bewitched and generally debased myself for a charmless two top of Loch Ness Monsters I was more than a touch disappointed to find not a healthy fold-able tip but rather this scribbled message on the flip side of the bill. I don’t do I.O.Us, not on bets with chefs and certainly not [...]